16 Months Old.

Okay so Levi will be 16 months old in three days. The time is flying by and I’m not quite sure where it’s going. I feel like I haven’t written on here in a while so I’ll fill you all in on things that have been happening. I’ll start with Levi first. So he definitely says a few more words now! Words that family can understand as I’m sure if some random person heard him, they wouldn’t know what the hell he was saying, haha. If I take him to a store and Jesse takes him out of the shopping cart, there is no way we’re going to be able to get him back into the cart without him throwing a fit. This kid is on the freakin’ move! It took until last week for him to be able to stand up from a sitting position, though. He could only stand by crawling to someone/something near to help him stand up but we met a new baby friend who lives down the street and he just turned 1 years old and could stand up from sitting, but couldn’t walk yet. I’m thinking Levi saw him standing up and started doing it because within a week of knowing and being around this baby only twice, he started doing it. Levi is still obsessed with cars! He doesn’t care to stare out of the window much these days to watch them drive by but he always says, “ooh!” when a loud truck goes by. He does the CUTEST thing where he picks up his toy trucks and drives them along the couch or TV stand. Literally my heart melts when he does that. He also loves being outside and when we go to Jesse’s softball games he’s just off running around (with me close behind). He’s also a total fish and loves the water! Baths, pools, whatever! He’s into it. He’s still a pretty good eater and will eat almost anything we feed him. I don’t have a lot of trouble with veggies or anything but of course we kind of eat the same stuff so it’s not a ton of variety. I’m still obsessed with him (duh) and he makes me want another baby so so bad! I don’t know how I got so lucky with such a perfect baby, but I did and I’m so beyond grateful for that.

A few weeks ago (like, last month actually) we went to our community pool and met a woman and her son who’s 3 months younger than Levi. The woman had her mom there also and her mom sort of pushed us to exchange numbers because they seemed so excited to meet someone in the neighborhood with a baby who also is a stay at home mom. The inner me was CRINGING at this entire exchange. I’m all for meeting new people but I like making friends on my own terms, you know? I’m just that kind of gal. Also, the real kicker is I almost didn’t go to the pool with Jesse and Levi because I wasn’t feeling well but I forced myself to go. I walked home from the pool with such regret at the time, haha. Like, “why did I go?! I don’t want new friends!” Such an asshole, I know. So since I got her number because my hands were free at the time, I felt like I had no choice but to text her. So I did. We’ve hung out a couple of times with the first being a nice long walk and play time at her house with her and her son and Levi. Then she invited us to her sons first birthday party which was also nice but also awkward since we knew absolutely no one. I’m not even kidding you when I tell you I was SO anxious both times. I was so out of my element but I pushed myself to do something I didn’t necessarily want to do. I’m actually going to hang out with her tomorrow and I think she’s really nice and her son is a total cutie. She is a little older than I am so it’s also why I feel awkward because I feel like a child? Well not really a child but like, less experienced in life I suppose. Different interests and what not. I know it’s good for Levi to play around other kids so I just kind of have to do this for him!

If that last paragraph makes me sound like an asshole, I’m sorry. I’m just super introverted and I like ME time and after hanging out with someone once, I’m good without seeing them for a really long time. Not because I don’t like them but I just take a little (or a lot) longer to recharge my social battery I suppose. I also kind of hate knowing that someone knows I’m home….doing stay at home mom things, while they’re also at home doing stay at home mom things…and like, wanting to be with me. Does anyone else understand?? Also, I know I’m a stay at home mom but I actually like to keep busy! Before it got so hot I’d take Levi to the park quite often. Or I go to the stores during the week and bring him along, and I go to family members houses, AND I also like to just do NOTHING with him! Sometimes it’s so nice to just stay at home and talk to nobody else and just hang out at home and have fun here!

So in the midst of all of that I actually considered going back to work a couple of days. I was extremely depressed for about two weeks and I felt like maybe I needed to have “me” days and just go back to work. Unfortunately the conditions at my old job aren’t sunshine and unicorns at the moment, so I skipped out on the opportunity for now. When I thought about going to work It actually made me a little sad because I absolutely love being with Levi, even when I’m so exhausted and can’t keep up. I just love waking up next to him and making him breakfast and having fun together all day. I also feel like if I went back to work I’d really have zero days to do stuff around the house. I mean, I only get one day a week where he goes to my in-laws and I pretty much have a “me” day so if I went back to work I wouldn’t have that at all anymore. It’d still feel like I’m working 40 hours a week! Honestly I don’t know how I did that with a newborn, holy shit. If there’s any time to stay at home with your child I wish I could have done it when he was younger. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re still extremely fortunate and I don’t take this for granted at all but I’m still pretty jealous of my friends who got to stay home with their new born baby and not have to go back to work after maternity leave. Sometimes I wonder if he wouldn’t have been delayed with a few things that I stressed over because I felt like I wasn’t around enough. Or maybe he’d be sleep trained because I would have had more patience. There’s a lot of things, actually. But here we are, becoming a stay at home mom when he turned 1 years old! He still kicks me in the face and wakes me up by talking to himself in the bed or trying to crawl off of it (fun!). Not sure when we’ll transition him to his room but I don’t see it happening anytime soon and I don’t want to talk about it haha.

Anyways, life’s been pretty chill over here. We just got back from Lake Tahoe because we had to help my parents with some stuff at the cabin. Levi loved it up there! It makes me happy because he’s experiencing the fun of the cabin like I did when I was his age. With the same couches and everything! It’s pretty wild to think about how many generations have been going up there and all the memories that are made. It’s a really special place and I never want to leave when I’m there. I’m almost always close to tears when we’re driving down the mountain to go back home and get back to reality. Jesse has a really easy job and I’m lucky that he gets to be home more than someone who works a 9-5 but even when he is home he still takes calls and enters people’s orders so sometimes I still feel alone. I really enjoy being able to spend time with him when he isn’t focused on work all the time or leaving to go take a work call (he’s in sales). We were able to do a little date night and go to dinner one night and I had so much fun with him! We ate really good food and then we rode Lime Scooters! He’s been wanting to ride them for sooo long and I’m such a chicken that I never had the balls to do it. If something requires me to be off of the ground and not in control of my own movement (besides driving a car) then I’m not interested most of the time lol. But I did it! And it was so fun! Afterwards we went to the casino and I put it into the universe that I would win money and I DID. It worked, ya’ll. I won 80 buckaroos and I was stoked about it. I’ve already spent it all but you know what, I worked for it! Haha, but really…I already bought workout leggings and two shirts that I am so excited to get!

Alrighty everyone, I am tired. It’s 9pm and last night I stayed up until 1:30 AM. I gotta mentally prepare myself to hangout with another adult human being in the morning so I will hopefully write more soon. There’s a topic I’ve been thinking about lately that I kind of want to write about. I know my blog doesn’t get a lot of traction, probably because I don’t advertise it or put it out there, but I do enjoy writing out my thoughts for others to see. Maybe I’ll speak to someone else’s soul…..I don’t know! Life’s nuts, amirite?


Baby #2.

Sorry, did that title excite you? I’m definitely not pregnant, haha. But I thought I’d share what I would like my future to sort of look like! As of late I have set my high alert on my Dexcom to 160 instead of 180 to kind of keep me more in check and have tighter control of my blood sugars. Half of me is doing this just to be more healthy and conscious of my blood sugars, and the other half is doing this so that when I decide to have another baby I’ll be in somewhat more control than if I were to always have blood sugars close to 180 and above. Trying to have a healthy pregnancy with diabetes is extremely hard work and anyone who’s put in the work knows it. There’s plenty of women who don’t do the work and they have side effects from it. It can really harm the fetus and I never want to take that chance when pregnant! I remember always being terrified of harming my unborn baby anytime I had a high or low blood sugar.

Okay, so I got that out of the way. A few months after Levi was born, Jesse and I both wanted to talk about having another baby by the time Levi turned one. Well, he’s 15 months old and we definitely aren’t pregnant and don’t plan on trying anytime soon. We did discuss talking about it again around the end of the year so we’ll see how that goes. I think I really want to wait a little until after Levi is 2 to talk about it to be honest. I would really love having a potty trained toddler by the time the second one is born. I don’t want to have to change two diapers! We also talk about moving a lot lately and it would be nice to have a bigger house. Right now we live in less than 1,000 sq ft house and things can be pretty tight here but we make it work. But with a dog, a cat, and a toddler, I just can’t see us adding another little human into all of it because we don’t have a small dog and he isn’t really Levi’s biggest fan. He’s extremely tolerant of him but he avoids him most of the time and we don’t really let Levi get all up in his space because 1. Our dog deserves his own space and 2. That would be rude if we let Levi do whatever he wanted to Wilson and I don’t want to teach my son that it’s okay to do that to an animal.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re wondering if or when I’d ever have another baby….your best bet is sometime between 2021 and 2022!

15 Months Old.

I meant to post this yesterday but my brain stopped working so we’ll celebrate online today! My baby boy has grown so much in the last month! He’s a pro walker and walks all over the place. I’m sooo happy he started walking late because I’m not sure if I could have been able to handle it if it happened any sooner, ha! He says several words that I’m sure only me and Jesse can understand. Kitty, Mickey, bird, dada, mama, uh oh, coco (for cocomelon on YouTube), pizza, and cheese. I’m probably missing some but you get the gist. He’s been eating pretty good lately when it comes to veggies and what not. I’ve found that if I put the veggies (or whatever food he’s avoiding) on my fork and ask if he wants some, he’ll try it. Or I’ll help him poke his fork into the food and lift it to his mouth. Doesn’t work every single time but most of the time! He’s been having little anger outbursts when he gets things taken away (like a remote or phone) or if you repeatedly tell him “no” as he’s about to do something naughty. I know I shouldn’t laugh when he gets mad but it truly is hilarious to me and Jesse. He just lets out a grunt and will wave his arms around, haha. We still co-sleep. I’ve figured it’s too late to try and put him into his own crib and I feel like we’ll have to wait until we can convert his crib into a toddler bed. Am I wrong? I don’t know. I feel like I need some advice but I don’t know who to even ask since all my friends are smart and crib trained their babies already. I guess there’s no rush when you really think about it. Like why does it even matter at this point? It’s working out fine for our family so whatevs.

I know I’ve talked about my journey to lose weight and become healthy but I think something is off with my body. Seriously, I’m doing EVERYTHING to try and drop a few pounds and nothing is working. I’ve been eating so much less and so much more wholesome foods and I’ve increased my workouts to 4-5 times a week and I still haven’t lost one single fucking pound. Excuse my French, but not really because I don’t care right now. I’ll step on the scale and I see that I’ve gained weight. HOW?! I’m literally doing exactly what I should be doing and I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m so frustrated. I really hate* what I look like. It’s embarrassing to me. I don’t like running into people I know in public because I just feel like they’re judging me. Why couldn’t I have lost all the baby weight like everyone else I know? I don’t understand. I’m wondering if my thyroid has anything to do with it because I do have Hypothyroidism and that could be playing a huge factor in this so I’m going to do some blood work tomorrow. I actually want something to be off so my doctor can fix it because if my blood work comes back normal I’ll probably cry about it. I truly feel stuck and I don’t know what to do anymore.

My parents came with me and Levi to a wildlife museum today and Levi had a blast! At first he wasn’t so sure about the place but once he got comfortable he was all over the place. It was so fun to watch him run (walk) everywhere. Any time I tried to pick him up to move him somewhere else he would get really mad about it and it made me laugh so much. He didn’t want to hold our hands either. He was Mr. Independent and it was so fun to watch. We’re definitely going to go back so that Jesse can witness the cuteness. He was jelly he was at work today. This weekend is supposed to be really hot so we’re already preparing to be at the pool all weekend! Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week 🙂

Catching Up.

I’ll start this post off with the good stuff first. Jesse took two weeks off of work for a little staycation and Lake Tahoe vacation and it was much needed for our family. It went by slowly which I really loved because I missed being with him! The first week he was off we stayed at home and the second week we went to Lake Tahoe and came home on the 4th of July. I didn’t want to leave Tahoe at all, as soon as we were coming home I started getting a headache. It was such a breath of fresh air and so damn relaxing. I already can’t wait to go back! We brought Wilson with us and he loved it of course. My favorite day was when we rented bikes and biked a trail while pulling Levi in the back. He loved it and we’re for sure going to do it again the next time we go up!

Anyways, since we’ve been back Levi has been a walking machine! Last night he spent about 30 mins walking all over the house on his own going back and forth and it was so cute. He’s still cautious and a bit hesitant to walk but he’s on his way! Today was Jesses first day back at work and it kind of sucked to be honest! It of course didn’t suck with Levi but it just sucked not having him with me! I really enjoyed being back in my routine though, that was nice. To be honest after eating out a few times the past week, I have to say that home cooked meals are 10x better. I love knowing what goes into my food and making it myself. I completely fell off my good eating habits while in Tahoe and I tried to be on top of things but it just wasn’t working for me. So I’m trying to get back on track with everything! One day last week I ate so much that when I woke up the next day I had gained like 3lbs and felt terrrrible. I went to the gym and ate super clean and the next day I was down 3lbs! It must have just been bloat or something. Not really sure but it made me feel like shit about myself.

Ohhhh yea I forgot to mention! We bought a brand new car over the weekend! My old car had been giving us some problems and Jesse didn’t want me driving it because it wasn’t safe so we traded it in. I’m glad we bought this car because I seriously plan on having it for a really long time and it’s my first time having a new car! I’ve only ever had used cars and I never thought in my life I’d have a new car to be honest. I never cared about getting used or new cars because a car is a car but it’s pretty dope having a car that’s brand new with no unknown history about it, ya know? I’m extremely grateful to be able to have a new car and definitely don’t take it for granted.


I’ll try to make this second half a bit short because I’m somewhat past it. About a month ago I found out that an old friend of mines nephew passed away from drowning in a pool and it really got to me. I didn’t know her nephew but since I would see him on social media it really hurt my heart since I could put a face to the horrible news. That entire day I couldn’t stop thinking about it and occasionally bursting out in tears just thinking of it because my heart hurt so bad for her family. And it made me think of my own son and I started getting anxious. Every day since then I just feel extra protective over him and extra sensitive. For a couple weeks following, all I saw on social media was death. Like it was everywhere around me and it was all I had on my mind and it terrified me. I was terrified that someone in my family was going to die and I just felt so sad and Jesse didn’t seem to understand what I was going through. I still don’t like hearing about people dying, I mean nobody likes to hear about it obviously but I really just don’t want to know about it…at all. I’ve also got news about other people in my family not doing so well and it’s just all really effected me recently and I feel like I’m always on edge lately. I’ve been depressed and just so misunderstood. It’s probably why I was so sad for Jesse to go back to work because then I’m alone. I know I don’t have to be alone and I can go see family or friends during the week but sometimes the only company I want is his and Levi’s. Because I don’t have to try to be someone else for an hour or so. I don’t have to pretend that I’m happy or that I think my life is great because when you’re down you think the opposite no matter how fortunate you may be. So, yeah. I’ve been going through that the past few weeks and it’s hard to really write all my feelings out the way that I’m feeling them. I’m just more anxious and scared that somethings going to happen to someone and I can’t seem to relax. Maybe with more time I’ll start to feel better…

14 Months Old.

Are you reading that right? I have a 14 month old! I’m a couple days late but I thought I’d do an update since he’s learned so much!

Levi is now walking. W A L K I N G. We went to Tahoe a week ago and that’s where he took his first steps and we were all so amazed! It came out of nowhere! We’re still fine tuning it but he can walk from one end of a room to the other. He doesn’t quite stop so once he’s walking he just walks until he gets to a person/wall/couch/object. He’s still a little wobbly so we make sure we stay right by his side since he’s fallen backwards and hit his head twice. Ouch! He still prefers crawling but I am so excited for him to be walking like a pro in no time! He loves saying the word “ball” and he’ll say it to anything that’s round. We went grocery shopping and I picked up a watermelon and when he saw it on the counter he said, “ball!” It’s really cute. He also says cheese! Well, more like “chee.” It’s adorable. He can point to his belly, give high fives (oh so gentle though), point to your nose if you ask him where your nose is, and say hi! He can do many other things but those are what he’s been doing as of late. He loooves holding his own fork or spoon at mealtimes and cries when you take it away from him. He’s been growing more teeth! The two on top on the sides of the front two are coming in but seem to be stuck and haven’t grown all the way down but the dentist says it’s fine. He’s also growing two on the sides of his bottom teeth. He seems to be stuck in 18 month clothing, occasionally wearing 24 months or 2T depending on the brand. I think he’s finally growing out of size 4 shoes and into size 5. He’s OBSESSED with Mickey Mouse. If he see’s Mickey’s face on anything he gets really excited and says “icky!” We were shopping in Buy Buy Baby and he saw Mickey’s face on a bib and freaked out so I let him hold the bib throughout the store, haha.

He’s still sleeping with us! I bought a rocking chair and I was so ready to move him into his own room but something happened (I’ve been thinking about writing a blog post about it…) and I just haven’t wanted to move him out of our bed since. I’ll go into detail about that a different day. He’s been waking up in the middle of the night being fussy but I really think it’s because of his teeth. He’s been eating pretty good lately. He likes cauliflower and broccoli and even ate some asparagus last night! He had his first dentist appointment today by the way. I haven’t been good at brushing his teeth because he closes his mouth together but the dentist say that it’s  normal and it’ll just have to be a two person job until he gets comfortable. He cried the entire time and I felt so bad for him but afterwards he was totally chill.

You guys, I just love Levi so much. Every single day I look at him and think how perfect he is and I am so damn lucky. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think that about him. His smile always melts my heart and I love our new nap time/bed time routine that we have together. He holds my thumb while he curls up against me until he falls asleep. MY HEART! I’m excited to see what kind of little person he’s going to grow up to be but I also wish we could go back in time because time really went by way too fast and sometimes I can’t even remember how we got here! He’s absolutely perfect and my little best friend and I’m going to end this blog post before I cry, haha.

Hope everyone has a good Tuesday!


Grilled Chili Lime Chicken with Cilantro Lime Rice and Roasted Veggies

What a mouthful of a recipe name, am I right? I’ve found all of these recipes on Pinterest (what don’t I find on there??) and I’ll link them all below if you’d like to go to their actual page! This combo of a meal is so damn good you’ll be wanting more, and if you don’t then you’re cray cray! Here are the recipes…

This recipe was to be made on the stove but I made mine in my rice cooker so I’ll share how I did it. Link for recipe is right here.

Rice Cooker Method for Cilantro Lime Rice


  • 1 1/2 cups Basmati Rice
  • 2 tbsp Butter
  • 2 1/2-3 cups Chicken Broth
  • 1/4 cup Cilantro, chopped
  • 1 Lime, zested and juiced
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1/2 tsp Cumin

Stir it all together in your rice cooker and start cookin’! Should take about 20 minutes.

Chili Lime Chicken     recipe can be found right here.


  • 1 lb Chicken Breasts, (I used chicken tenders because that’s what I had on hand)
  • 2 tbsp Lime Juice
  • Zest of 1 Lime
  • 3 Garlic Cloves, minced
  • 1/4 cup Cilantro, minced
  • 4 tbsp Oil (I used canola)
  • 1 tbsp Brown Sugar
  • 2 tsp Chili Powder
  • 1/2 tsp Cumin
  • 1 tsp Salt
  • 1/2 tsp Pepper

I let my chicken marinate with all the ingredients for an hour or so and I brought it to room temp before grilling. If you’re not grilling then you can either bake them in the oven or cook them on your stovetop! I’m not a magician when it comes to cooking them so I’d look up for how long in the oven…I’m thinking 350 for 20 minutes or so? And if I made it on the stove I might cook them for 4-5 minutes on each side depending on how thick the chicken is. Use a meat thermometer!! Best thing Jesse ever bought!

Roasted Veggies

I made these myself without using a recipe because I loooove roasted vegetables and they’re so freaking easy!


  • 1 Red Bell Pepper, sliced
  • 1 Green Bell pepper, sliced
  • 1/2 Red Onion, sliced
  • Cherry Tomatoes, left whole…not sliced! *I didn’t measure out how many, I just used however many I wanted
  • Mushrooms, sliced *I didn’t measure out how many, I just used however many I wanted
  • Chili Powder
  • Paprika
  • Cumin
  • Salt & Pepper
  • Onion Powder
  • Garlic Powder
  • Oregano
  • Oil

This is probably so not professional but who’s ever professional in their own kitchen?? I didn’t measure out any of the spices used. I just put however much I wanted. I went a little heavier with the chili powder than the others, though. I put some oil over the veggies after I seasoned them and mixed it all together with my hands to make sure everything was evenly coated. I then roasted them at 400 for 20 minutes. The tomatoes turn out sooooo good that way and I highly recommend cooking them like that!

Happy eating 🙂



What I Ate Today + How Diabetes Ruined It

So I thought it would be fun to do a little “what I eat in a day” post since I always love watching these on YouTube! My day started out really well but somewhat went downhill throughout the day. I went to the gym around 7 and decided to do some cardio. Ugh, I hate cardio…remind me to never do that again. Once I got home I had some egg whites with sautĂ©ed mushrooms and a piece of whole grain toast. I usually never have toast these days (or any other carb) but I was starving as soon as I woke up so I wanted to make sure I filled myself up so that I could last until lunch to eat again.

After showering and getting ready I decided to run a few errands. While I was at my last store, my Dexcom started going off telling me I was having a low. As I was in the checkout I could really start to feel the low hitting me. I was getting sweaty, a little shaky, and couldn’t really focus on anything. I decided to grab a small trail mix bag that was at the checkout. When I left and got into my car I had my juice box and the bag of trail mix. So that threw off my day a little since I normally wouldn’t have planned to eat/drink those things. This happened right around the time I would normally have lunch so I was already feeling quite hungry and there’s an In n Out really close to where I was shopping. I debated about going there or not in my head. I knew I had a salad waiting for me leftover from the night before. I knew I should have picked that but the smell of that delicious In N Out was hard to pass by. So I got it. Cheeseburger protein style, animal style with animal style fries. Was it delicious? Duh. Do I regret it? Not really…but it did make me feel bad for a little bit because I really don’t want to fall off of this health train I’ve been riding.

After eating lunch I opened my refrigerator and saw the leftover Daiya cheesecake that I had last night (I’ve been wanting to try this for forever so I finally caved and bought it! Don’t judge!) and took a few bites. Later on in the day I also had a couple handfuls of some goldfish and a Reece’s peanut butter cup. UGH. Also not planned in my day usually…

For dinner I stuck to my guns a little bit. I made sure to eat the salad that I was originally going to have at lunch and put my chicken into it. I roasted some green beans (garlic, s&p, oil-350 degrees for 17-20 min), and made awful mashed potatoes! Just kidding, they weren’t awful but I couldn’t’ find the recipe I usually go off of so I kind of made my own and they weren’t really my favorite. I’m also not a big mashed potato fan anyways but Jesse requested it. I’m completely stuffed after dinner and have no intentions of eating for the rest of the night.

A lot of people don’t really understand what diabetics have to go through on a daily basis. Especially when trying to lose weight. Sometimes a low happens unexpectedly and if it keeps going lower and lower then we get so hungry and for some of us, food is hard to turn down. A juice box is always recommended but that was hard for me today. I’m sure I would have been fine with just juice but I ended up eating the trail mix anyways just to be safe.

I haven’t input my dinner info or most of the snacks I ate today because I already know I went over my calories and carbs for the day. Sometimes I’m not sure if MyFitnessPal is useful or actually bad for your mental health and losing weight. I’ll feel like a failure if I’m not eating perfect enough and I already have to look at my Dexcom app and see my blood sugars throughout the day and feel like a failure. With the two apps combined and me failing at everything today, it kind of sucks. I’ll just shoot for a better day tomorrow.

Being a Mom is Hard.

It is. For me at least. I wasn’t born naturally good with children. I used to grow up not wanting kids at all! They freaked me out. They annoyed me. They were exhausting to be around. Just wasn’t for me. Until I got baby fever and it never went away so I wanted to have my own. Now all I want is a big family to love on. But besides that…what I’m trying to say is I’m kind of on a struggle bus lately.

I constantly feel like I’m a shit parent compared to other moms out there. I know everyone puts on their best image on social media but holy shit is it exhausting to look at sometimes. I’m currently dealing with a baby who refuses to sleep in his crib. He was able to sleep during his naps in there but now I can’t even do that! We spent a week at my parents house while we renovated our bathroom and I think that kind of messed up his routine because he slept in the bed due to not having his crib. Anyways, I’m trying to train him to sleep in his crib for bedtime and boy is it a freaking struggle. Cry it out method? Who invented that because it’s awful! Last night I went in first after 20 min of him crying, then 30, then another 30, and then after another 10 minutes I said forget it and brought him into the bed. How am I supposed to get sleep? How is he supposed to get sleep? It was the third day in a row doing that and I just didn’t see any improvement so I stopped it. But now when it’s bedtime I’m robbed of my alone time because I have to stay in the bed while he’s sleeping. In the dark. Can’t watch tv or read a book, I’m stuck on my phone mindlessly scrolling through social media apps. Bored while Jesse plays his video game downstairs. We don’t get to spend time together. We used to just leave pillows all around Levi, and we still do, but last week the unthinkable happened. Poor Levi fell off the bed (which is why I have to be with him now when we put him down). It obviously scared us and was a wake up call and that’s why we tried crib training him but, excuse my language, what the fuck?! My son must be extremely hard headed and stubborn because he won’t stop crying if he’s in there. I’ve invested in a rocking chair praying that once it arrives it’ll be the answer to our prayers. I didn’t want to admit that our son fell off the bed because of our stupidity but it happened and I feel like a shitty ass parent because of it. Also, I think because I’m now with Levi all the time and put him down for naps during the day, he prefers me over his dad when it comes to going to bed. He’ll literally cry and say “mama” when he’s with his dad and will stop as soon as I walk in. I really love that he loves me but I need him to want his dad too ya know? I’m sure some moms out there think I’m crazy for not appreciating the love and neediness from my child but maybe you don’t get it. I LOVE that he wants me but I’m the kind of person who also loves my alone time and space and I think all mothers shouldn’t be afraid to express that. The whole, “I let him do xyz because one day he’ll grow out of it and not want me anymore,” is insane to me. I love getting stuff done while Levi naps. It’s the best! I’ll workout, or clean, or watch my favorite show. I refuse to be a prisoner and stay upstairs in my bed just laying there not doing anything because he won’t go in his crib. I mean, I’m literally doing it right this second but I can’t live like this forever! I can feel the judgy mom eyes already for wanting my own time for myself….

Another thing I feel shitty about is how I feed my son. So I follow some IG accounts that talk about healthy foods and so on and so on. I love those accounts but I can feel them making me feel guilty when I don’t feed my son an entirely balanced meal. I legit feel guilty when I feed him a pb&j with an applesauce squeeze pouch. But sometimes I just don’t have much on hand! Or sometimes the leftovers I have he won’t eat! Or sometimes I don’t have enough time because he’s already crying and upset and I just want to hurry up and feed him! My peanut butter is natural but my jelly isn’t and I feel awful that I’m feeding him jelly that probably doesn’t have the purest of ingredients. Or how about the only vegetable I’ve been able to get him to eat is broccoli but I don’t cook that every day so he still probably isn’t getting a bunch of veggies because he won’t eat the other ones. I try really hard to feed him well balanced meals but sometimes I suck and when I suck I feel so shitty about it.

The dentist is another topic. He’s going to be 14 months old and we still haven’t taken him. He actually doesn’t have dental insurance and I wasn’t even aware that I should take him to the dentist before a year old. My doctor never even mentioned the dentist at his last appointment! He won’t let me brush his teeth so I feel like I’m the shittiest parent ever because what if I’m fucking up his teeth right now by not brushing them?? He needs to go to the dentist but I need to make the appointment. I need to adult and I’m scared of adulting sometimes. Wow. What a mom I am, right?

I’m friends with some moms that seem to just know everything and do everything perfectly. They’re naturals. They do research, they read books, they’re perfect! I just feel like the worst lately and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s probably just a funk. I hate asking for advice because I’m just one of those people who would rather figure it out on my own I guess…even though that’s probably what I shouldn’t do. For the crib situation, Jesse brought up bringing the crib into our room and putting him in there but I’m afraid of it not working or if it did work then we’ll have to do the whole training again once he’s in his own room so I just don’t know how that’ll work out. As for the food problem, I think I need to let it go. Jesse makes fun of me sometimes about how anal I can be about nutrition but I just want the best for my kid and I want him to haves good diet not filled with processed crap. And the dentist situation…I just need to make the appointment and get help on how to brush my sons teeth without him pursing his lips together and moving his head away from me *shrugs*. See, I got some of this figured out. But being a mom is still hard.

Quick Zoodle Recipe

Zoodles are boring, let’s be real here. But I bought a huge bag of zucchini at Costco recently because I was having zucchini in my breakfast scramble. I realized quickly that there was no way I was going to go through this whole bag even if I ate the same thing every day so I had to think of other ways to eat them! I made this recipe yesterday and had it again today because I really thought it made the dish taste light and fresh but still flavorful!


  • 1 tbsp red onion, finely diced
  • 1 garlic clove, diced
  • 2 Zucchini, spiraled into noodles
  • 5 cherry tomatoes, quartered
  • 1/2 tsp Italian Seasoning
  • 1 tsp olive oil
  • Parmesan cheese
  • Salt and Pepper
  1. Heat your pan on medium heat and add cooking spray to the bottom. I used coconut oil spray but do whatever works for you. (No spray? Just use regular oil)
  2. Stir in the onion and garlic and sauté for a couple minutes, then add the tomatoes and sauté another 2-3 minutes.
  3. Add your zucchini noodles, Italian seasoning, and about 1 tsp of olive oil and sauté for a few minutes to incorporate the ingredients and soften the zucchini a bit.
  4. Once finished add salt and pepper to your liking and however much parm you’d like!

* So you might be wondering why I add olive oil with the zoodles and start with coconut oil spray in the beginning. I don’t have an answer for this because I just do what I want when I want because it’s my kitchen, my recipe bish!

Lol, in all honestly I just like the way the olive oil tastes with the zoodles and Italian seasoning more than coconut oil but I start with the spray because I don’t want too much oil. Like, I don’t want my whole lunch to taste like olive oil.

Anyways, hope this inspires someone out there whose bored with the zoodz and is tired of just using marinara sauce on them!

Enjoy 🙂

Working On Myself, For Myself

So as of late I’ve fallen back into bad eating habits and hating the way I look. I let stress get the best of me and when my confidence is low I don’t want to be around anyone or do anything. Laying in bed just sounds nice 24/7. I don’t actually get the chance to lay in bed due to having a child to take care of, but I fantasize about it haha.

With all of that being said, it’s time to get back to work. I haven’t been to the gym in about 3 weeks but I have done workouts at home that last between 30-40 minutes and they are really good workouts so I’m proud of myself about those. It’s Monday and I’ve woken up with cramps and a headache and a bloated stomach (hi, mother nature!) so I didn’t go to the gym this morning but I do plan on going for a nice walk with Levi. I didn’t eat so health conscious over the weekend because it was mine and Jesse’s 10 year anniversary (!!!) so good food was a must. Anyways, I really want to try eliminating all of the crap out of my diet. Last week I ate the same breakfast almost every day which was 2 scrambled eggs (one whole, one egg white) and sautĂ©ed zucchini and mushrooms. I plugged it all into MyFitnessPal to keep track of the carb intake. For my lunches, they varied between a low carb pita pizza, salad, and cauliflower fried “rice” (omg you must try!). For my dinners I just tried to keep the carb choices smart by having brown rice or sweet potatoes instead of white rice and white potatoes and I made sure my portions were controlled. I was so happy with all of my choices last week so I’m really motivated to do them all over again this week.

One thing I’m trying to work on for myself is realizing that food is for fuel. My hairdresser said those words to me on Saturday and that’s exactly what I needed to hear. All the extra processed food is really just…extra. Unnecessary. Will I still eat it? Yes, of course because I’m a total foodie, but it’ll just be controlled. I have a tendency to rely on food for comfort when I’m stressed, sad, or not feeling well. Not going to lie I totally had a reeces peanut butter cup along with my lunch because I was craving chocolate. It was the only candy I bought at the store and it was for emergencies (lol) only. I think being crampy and bloated and feeling blah is an emergency. Also, I’m trying to stop eating when I’m genuinely full. That’s also an issue of mine. I tend to eat until I’m stuffed sometimes because I don’t want to waste food or because it’s SO good I can’t stop. I think it’s important to have a good relationship with food and I don’t have one and I never did growing up so it’s a habit that will be hard to break but I’m determined.

I figure if I stick with this for at LEAST a month it’ll become a new habit which will in turn become a new routine and a new lifestyle for me. I don’t like the weight I’m at right now and I hate the scale to be honest but I think when first trying to lose weight it is important to see where you’re starting at so you can make sure your new diet is actually helping you lost weight along with working out. In my opinion, anyways.

This morning I skipped breakfast because of the bloat and just not being hungry so for lunch I made a nice filling salad. For anyone who’s uninspired when it comes to salads I really recommend going to Costco and getting those premade salad mixes, or your regular grocery store. I got the Mediterranean salad mix and the bag is huge and has already lasted me 3 different meals (having it for lunch on 3 different days). To bulk my salad up I’ll add whatever veggies I like; cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, avocado, radishes, and red/green onions are all good! Sometimes the salads will come with some great add ins like nuts or cheese (which I think is good in moderation!). For proteins I’ll use tuna salad, a Boca burger patty, egg salad, or leftover meat from the dinner before. I do realize having tuna salad or egg salad might not be the healthiest because of the mayo that’s mixed in but I usually don’t add too much and I like the flavor so I do what I want! Having a food scale and tracking everything on MyFitnessPal is super helpful in the beginning to make sure you’re in a caloric deficit for weight loss. I highly recommend doing that if you’re just starting out with any kind of diet change and are wanting to lose/gain weight.