Working On Myself, For Myself

So as of late I’ve fallen back into bad eating habits and hating the way I look. I let stress get the best of me and when my confidence is low I don’t want to be around anyone or do anything. Laying in bed just sounds nice 24/7. I don’t actually get the chance to lay in bed due to having a child to take care of, but I fantasize about it haha.

With all of that being said, it’s time to get back to work. I haven’t been to the gym in about 3 weeks but I have done workouts at home that last between 30-40 minutes and they are really good workouts so I’m proud of myself about those. It’s Monday and I’ve woken up with cramps and a headache and a bloated stomach (hi, mother nature!) so I didn’t go to the gym this morning but I do plan on going for a nice walk with Levi. I didn’t eat so health conscious over the weekend because it was mine and Jesse’s 10 year anniversary (!!!) so good food was a must. Anyways, I really want to try eliminating all of the crap out of my diet. Last week I ate the same breakfast almost every day which was 2 scrambled eggs (one whole, one egg white) and sautéed zucchini and mushrooms. I plugged it all into MyFitnessPal to keep track of the carb intake. For my lunches, they varied between a low carb pita pizza, salad, and cauliflower fried “rice” (omg you must try!). For my dinners I just tried to keep the carb choices smart by having brown rice or sweet potatoes instead of white rice and white potatoes and I made sure my portions were controlled. I was so happy with all of my choices last week so I’m really motivated to do them all over again this week.

One thing I’m trying to work on for myself is realizing that food is for fuel. My hairdresser said those words to me on Saturday and that’s exactly what I needed to hear. All the extra processed food is really just…extra. Unnecessary. Will I still eat it? Yes, of course because I’m a total foodie, but it’ll just be controlled. I have a tendency to rely on food for comfort when I’m stressed, sad, or not feeling well. Not going to lie I totally had a reeces peanut butter cup along with my lunch because I was craving chocolate. It was the only candy I bought at the store and it was for emergencies (lol) only. I think being crampy and bloated and feeling blah is an emergency. Also, I’m trying to stop eating when I’m genuinely full. That’s also an issue of mine. I tend to eat until I’m stuffed sometimes because I don’t want to waste food or because it’s SO good I can’t stop. I think it’s important to have a good relationship with food and I don’t have one and I never did growing up so it’s a habit that will be hard to break but I’m determined.

I figure if I stick with this for at LEAST a month it’ll become a new habit which will in turn become a new routine and a new lifestyle for me. I don’t like the weight I’m at right now and I hate the scale to be honest but I think when first trying to lose weight it is important to see where you’re starting at so you can make sure your new diet is actually helping you lost weight along with working out. In my opinion, anyways.

This morning I skipped breakfast because of the bloat and just not being hungry so for lunch I made a nice filling salad. For anyone who’s uninspired when it comes to salads I really recommend going to Costco and getting those premade salad mixes, or your regular grocery store. I got the Mediterranean salad mix and the bag is huge and has already lasted me 3 different meals (having it for lunch on 3 different days). To bulk my salad up I’ll add whatever veggies I like; cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots, avocado, radishes, and red/green onions are all good! Sometimes the salads will come with some great add ins like nuts or cheese (which I think is good in moderation!). For proteins I’ll use tuna salad, a Boca burger patty, egg salad, or leftover meat from the dinner before. I do realize having tuna salad or egg salad might not be the healthiest because of the mayo that’s mixed in but I usually don’t add too much and I like the flavor so I do what I want! Having a food scale and tracking everything on MyFitnessPal is super helpful in the beginning to make sure you’re in a caloric deficit for weight loss. I highly recommend doing that if you’re just starting out with any kind of diet change and are wanting to lose/gain weight.

 

13 Months Old

Okay so he’ll be 13 months old in a couple of days but it’s been a while since I’ve given an update on my little chunk and I think it’s time to give one! We’ve been battling a lot of sickness over here and it’s terrible. It started off with Levi teething pretty bad but then he got a fever that the doctor warned us he might get exactly 2 weeks after his mmr shot. It lasted 72 hours and it was AWFUL. It’s so heartbreaking seeing your child in pain or not feeling well and there’s not much to do to help. He just got a whole bunch of Tylenol! It really helped us a lot. Then after the fever he had a small rash that lasted 2 days that I guess is also normal *shrugs*. We’re having our bathroom redone at our house so during most of this we were at my parents house. We’re still here actually..

After Levi started to feel better, Jesse came down with a cold and he mostly just had a cough and stuffy nose. Well on Saturday I woke up not feeling 100% and by the end of the day I was a zombie. I probably had the worst sleep in my life that night. My throat hurt so bad that I couldn’t drink water but yet my mouth was so dry because I couldn’t breathe out of my nose. It was such a shitty night. Fast forward to today and I’m fever and sore throat free but have a cough and stuffy nose. I’ve gone through more tissues than ever. Gross, I know.

Anyways, our bathroom should be done today or tomorrow. Hoping for today because it would be nice to go back home. I’m thankful to my parents for letting us stay here but I miss my routine at my house and being in my own space, as I’m sure anyone could understand. My blood sugars have been off the wall these past two weeks. Right before coming here my blood sugars were amazing! Like, holy hell I was on top of the world with amazing blood sugars! Now I’m lucky if I get under 200. It could be the cold I have, or the stress I’m feeling that is affecting them so greatly but it’s really making me feel down. Nobody quite understands it unless you’re also a diabetic. I’ll give myself enough insulin to make me have a low and it won’t hardly do a thing to my sugars. It’s so wild to me. So I really want to go home to see if they’ll go back to normal with my regular routine or if I have to see my Endocrinologist to have her help me out because this isn’t good. The more unstable I am with my blood sugars the more damage is done inside my body and that’s kind of scary if you ask me.

On to the chunkster…we’re still waiting for him to walk! I have a feeling he’ll walk around 15 months. It’s almost as if he’s scared or nervous to walk. He’s taken a few steps on his own when I let go of his hands but then he cries. He’s just too comfortable crawling around and cruising along the furniture! Silly boy. Im not too worried about him not walking right now to be honest. I don’t mind it. It’s actually hard for me to imagine a little person just walking around the house being all grown up so I guess the reason I’m OK with him not walking is because it means he’s still my little baby. Being home all the time has definitely made me more attached. We have a great nap routine these days and I love being with him. I wish I was able to stay home with him his entire first year. I feel like going back to work would actually be way easier now than before. I don’t know how I did it to be honest. He doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night anymore. No bottles. Eats like a champ for the most part. He now knows “fan” so when you ask him where the fan is he points up at the one on the ceiling. I was wearing a shirt that had Mommy Shark on it and I asked him where Mommy Shark was and he pointed to it. He’s so smart! He’s also super funny and he knows it. We finally cut his hair ourselves. Jesse didn’t like how it looked so he shaved the back of it and it looks so much better. Still could be improved but hey, it works! Levi cries when he gets his hair done so it’s gotta be fast.

I guess the post was more about me than I planned on it being but I’ve just been going through a lot mentally. I haven’t been to the gym in the past week and a half due to me being at my parents house so I really need to get back on my grind. I know I’ve gained weight because my face is so chunky these days and I’m back to wanting to hide under baggy clothes and never have photos taken of me. I hate feeling this way about myself but I have so many meal ideas for when I go back home. Maybe I’ll share them! Definitely want to be low card (not no carb because that sounds awful) and way more veggies! Bigger meals so I snack less throughout the day also sound appealing. I tend to binge at night after dinner so I need to find a way to fix that. I’ll keep ya posted.

What Levi Eats In A Day.

So I’ve always loved reading about what other kids eat in a day because I’m always looking for ideas and thought I’d share the meals I fed Levi in the past two days. Please no judgement, as I’d never judge any other mama. If you have any ideas or blogs you’d like to point me to for easy recipes, send them my way!

Friday:

Breakfast Fed 30 minutes or so after waking up

  • Kodiak Pancake with a little bit of butter on top (I feel like it keeps the pancake from drying out and becoming hard)
  • 1/2 a Banana, chopped into small pieces

Snack I like to feed him his snack a little before his first nap around 9:30/10AM

  • Baby yogurt
  • Fruit (Banana and Raspberries)

Lunch Fed after waking up from his nap, give or take 30 minutes

  • Leftover Spanish rice from the night before
  • Grilled Cheese (1 piece of whole wheat bread and 1 slice of Colby jack cheese)
  • Applesauce (I just buy whatever brand and get it unsweetened)
  • A little bit of shredded cheese (this was while he waited for his grilled cheese)

Snack I like to feed him a snack around 2:30/3PM

  • Raspberries
  • Cheerios that have been soaking in milk to soften them up a bit

Dinner 

  • Chicken, shredded (on this particular day Jesse grilled chicken on the barbeque)
  • Potatoes (recipe HERE)
  • A little bit of avocado

Saturday:

Breakfast

  • Homemade pancakes this morning, again topped with butter
  • Banana
  • Sausage (Levi is a meat lover and sausage is perfect for protein and easy to crumble! I always take the meat out of the casing before cooking.)

Snack

  • Avocado on a toasted whole wheat bread
  • Baby yogurt

Lunch

  • Raspberries
  • Leftover chicken from the dinner before
  • A little bit of Mac N Cheese

Snack

  • Squeeze pouch of puree (these are awesome when you’re on the go or want to add a variety of fruits/veggies to your kids’ diet)
  • 1/2 of a Graham Cracker

Dinner

  • Leftover Mac N Cheese from lunch
  • Strawberries

 

I’d like to add that I offer water to him all day long and at every meal because I never want him to become dehydrated! Since he isn’t the biggest fan of milk in a sippy cup, I no longer offer it to him because I’m not really a big milk drinker in the first place and Jesse drinks 2% milk so that’s what we have in the house (not the recommended whole milk).

I also try to include a protein at every meal but sometimes it doesn’t work out the way I would like. Not every day is perfect and even though I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t always have everything on hand. Also, what really sucks is when you buy two containers of raspberries at the store and they look great but then you come to find they are all moldy! Yeah, FML because he loves raspberries. I tried to pick out the ones without any on them but unfortunately we wasted our money there. Ugh, bums me out. Also, you’ll notice he eats more fruits than veggies and I am working on it! I just realized that while I feel like I’m always eating vegetables, I don’t always serve them to him because they’re raw and obviously not safe for him to eat. This is where those squeeze pouches of purees come in handy…

Any comments are appreciated on this post! I’m always trying to find new foods to feed him or new ways of feeding things to him. I do a lot of cooking throughout the week so he eats a lot of leftovers! For the days I don’t have much, Mac N Cheese is always a plus!

 

Sleep Training.

I’m writing this at 10pm on a Thursday. I’ve tried the whole sleep training thing and it’s just not for me. I can only go about 15 minutes of listening to him scream before I give in and go into his room, pick him up, and console him. I watched a video on sleep training and the woman in the video said something along the lines of, “you must not have your baby’s cries down yet” if you go and get them. Um, what? I totally know when he’s just faking it and when he needs his mama. Sure, he stops crying as soon as I pick him up but that’s because that’s what he wants. I’m giving him what he wants. I know that. I’m in such a pickle. I want my bed back but I also love waking up next to him. I want him to be confident in his crib and be able to sleep in there throughout the night. I want that for him. But I also want him to feel secure and loved and if sleeping with his parents makes him feel that way then why should I stop it? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I somewhat feel like moms who have sleep trained babies will judge me but look, this shit is hard. There, I said it. Being a parent and trying to decide what’s best for your child is hard. We’ve finally succeeded in no more bottles, only sippy cups (!!!) and also no more nighttime feedings. It literally happened the day of his 1 year checkup. It’s like he knew we were talking about him at the appointment and he knew how stressed out I was about the whole sippy cup transition. I’ve fed him about 3 bottles with whole milk since last week due to rough times but other than that it’s been smooth sailing. He even drank out of a sippy cup yesterday that he hated before. Anyways, I’m super happy with how that has turned out for us. He’s not really drinking milk, though. Just water. Doc said it was fine and that works for me!

Well, this is short. I’m just struggling. He takes his naps in his crib. First one today was about 30 min *sigh* but the second nap was about 2 hours which was amazing. We get him tired and ready for bed in our room  and once he’s asleep we move him into his crib. I know that’s frowned upon but we don’t have a rocking chair in his room or anything like that and there’s no way in hell that he’ll fall asleep on his own in his crib so that’s why we do what we do. I’ve realized every family is different and what works for someone else might not work for us. I wish I had spent time doing the whole sleep training thing months ago but at that time it wasn’t right for our family. I woke up early for work and we still fed 2-3 times a night for him and that was already exhausting so it was easy to keep him in bed with us. I look back and I’m surprised I’m not as sleep deprived as I feel like I should be. How did I work full time and take care of a baby and a house?! I’m really lucky to be able to stay at home right now and I will never take it for granted. Ever. I love staying at home with Levi and being able to finally spend time with him. Instead of coming home and taking care of him, I feel like I actually get to know him. It’s weird and maybe other working moms might know the feeling…

 

One Year Old.

Levi’s birthday is today!! It’s pretty much over since he’s passed out and I’m laying in bed. We had such a good day. We started out eating bagels and sausage for breakfast (he loved it), then we went to the Oakland Zoo where we saw all the cute animals! Levi didn’t seem to care for them as much as I thought he would have, I think he liked the stroller ride the most since he loves going on walks in his stroller. We ate at this cute Mexican restaurant in Berkeley for lunch and then headed home and waited for my parents and brother to come over for dinner. After dinner Levi had his first taste of a cupcake! Okay, so I’ve totally given him frosting before, and cake, and ice cream because I’m that mom who has a sweet tooth as it is. We let him eat some frosting and about 1/2 of the cupcake before we ended that sugar high situation, haha.

I don’t have much to say as a newly stay at home mama so I’ll make this post all about him (as it should be).

He has a tooth up top about to come down. He’s a crazy couch surfer and I’m sure he’ll be walking in a month or so. He’s HILARIOUS and always keeps us laughing. His smile is so contagious. His hair is still awesome as ever and someone always comments on it without a fail anytime we go out and about. He’s got the cutest chunker legs that I just want to eat up. He’s stubborn. He knows how to sip from straws and sippy cups now but refuses to do so. He still loves looking out the window to watch the cars go by. He doesn’t really like the feeling of grass so we have to put a towel down for him to sit out front. He knows who Mickey Mouse is and will go get him for you if you ask him where Mickey Mouse is. He loves his books and will sit and flip the pages for the longest time. He’s a huge meat eater and loves any kind of meat we’ve given him (total opposite of his mama). He says all kinds of things these days and just babbles on and on. Still loves sleeping with mom and dad so he starts the night out in the crib but always ends up back in bed with us. He still drinks 4oz of milk in the middle of the night (I am going to try so hard to stop that now that I’m off!). He loves our cat more than our dog which melts my heart if he grows up to be a cat loving man. He loves playing with his LEGO blocks, I think they’re his favorite. He loves being chased and thinks it’s hilarious once I “get him” and tickle his belly.

He is our entire world. I just want to cry thinking about how much joy he’s brought into my life. Sometimes I get so scared having any kinds of thoughts of losing him. Like, if I hear about young babies or kids getting hurt or something it just freaks me out and makes me want to cry because I couldn’t even imagine losing him. I will forever protect my baby boy as much as I can. Although being a parent is not easy at all, I am so happy I am a mom. His mom. I really got lucky to have such a happy baby. As much as I want to go back and experience the first day he arrived on this earth, I can’t wait to see what kind of person he turns out to be because I’m already so proud of who he is today.

Happy first birthday bubba. I love you forever and ever ❤️

My 27th Birthday.

So I know I didn’t write last week and honestly it’s just because I wasn’t in the mood! I was so stressed out and dealing with a lot on my plate that I just didn’t have the time to sit down and write. I enjoy writing so it was a bummer to feel that way. Anyways, my birthday was on the 9th and I had a nice day! Started out going to a local coffee shop and getting a yummy coffee and waffle (that was TO DIE FOR, seriously). I spent the day with Levi and we went on a nice walk and waited until dinner to be with the family. We went to Mary’s Pizza Shack because it’s pretty kid friendly and I wanted something easy. I devoured my food and then afterwards we went to my parents house and had Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. Was I really celebrating my 27th birthday? Or was I celebrating my 10th? Haha.

The weekend before my birthday was really nice. I worked on Saturday and then on Sunday (the 7th), we went and got some photo’s taken of Levi for spring. I am super excited to get those back! I check my email a thousand times a day waiting for them to arrive! We went and got lunch after the photos and then drove back home. My parents came over to our house to watch Levi while Jesse took me out to dinner. We went to this nice little restaurant in this small town and I actually had an alcoholic drink! If you know me you know I don’t drink at all, so this was a big deal. It was actually delicious and I’d totally go back and get another one! It was a really nice dinner and I liked being taken out 🙂

SO after all of that from last weekend, I spent the rest of last week stressing about Jesse going on a fishing trip from Thursday-Sunday. I took Levi and Wilson over to my parents house and my mom watched Levi for me Thursday and Friday and I took the weekend off of work so that she could have a break since she was alone. My dad went on the fishing trip, too. She was exhausted to say the least and I can’t blame her! I had a nice time with her, though. I got Hello Fresh delivered so that we could have dinners already planned out for us! Smart, huh? We went to Target early Sunday morning so that we could beat the rush and I scored on a ton of clothes. Have you ever had one of those shopping trips where you don’t try on anything and it all ends up fitting you and looking fabulous? Yeah, it was like that. Anyways, it’s really nice to be back home now with Jesse. I really missed him. Where he went, there was no cell reception so I didn’t get to talk to him unless he drove out to a local store or something like that.

I signed up for the gym a few weeks ago and last Saturday I went for a training appointment (everyone gets one free session when they sign up) and I completely failed. The session was only 25 minutes and I couldn’t even last because I wanted to puke and I felt so dizzy. I think I was dehydrated but holy crap was I embarrassed. I’m still embarrassed. Like, should I just quit the gym and never show my face ever again? I won’t do that but I feel like it. I’m also still so freaking sore. My legs were sore just after doing the 10  minutes that I was able to push through. Yesterday I could hardly walk and today I’m still sore! I really haven’t been doing much since I quit the personal trainer over a month ago. The girl at the gym seemed annoyed that I didn’t want to sign up for a personal trainer and I tried to explain to her that I’ll be quitting my job soon so I won’t be able to afford it and she just blankly stared at me. Whatevs. I really want to lose weight and it’s so annoying because I know exactly what to do to lose the weight but I catch myself making stupid mistakes. I’m hoping once I’m off work I can really focus on my nutrition because it’s so important.

Okay, enough about me. Levi now has his two front teeth popped out! He is so freaking adorable I can’t handle the cuteness. He’s making a new sound as he talks now and it sounds hilarious and I love it. He crawls like a maniac and also stand up so quickly using anything he can get his hands on to help him up. We’re still trying the whole sippy cup transition and it’s taking time but he’s finally mastered sipping the puree out of those puree packs and we also have a sippy cup with a straw and he knows how to use that now! Progress for sure. I just need him to drink his milk out of there. He’s been taking only one nap for the past several days and I think that’s going to be his new normal now, which I guess I don’t mind too much. He’s been sleeping in his crib for the first half of the night and taking only one bottle now! If he wakes up any other times he’s easily coaxed back to sleep by us rubbing his back. I still wish we had a chair in his room because I don’t like that he comes back into our bed for the second half of his sleep but trying to get Jesse to buy a chair is like pulling teeth I tell ya! I don’t think Levi will be walking by his birthday but maybe in another month or so he’ll be walking on his own! I still can’t wrap my head around a little person just walking around my house. He grew up so fast! His birthday is next week and we plan on taking him to the zoo for the first time so I hope it all works out and we’re able to go because I think it would be so much fun for him!

 

Things I Thought I’d Never Do.

1. I THOUGHT I WOULDN’T LET LEVI WATCH TV.

I seriously thought I never wanted him to watch TV. I mean, there’s nothing educational right now for him, right? Well shit happens and you have a fussy baby and the only thing that’ll keep him quiet so you can cook dinner is letting him watch baby shark on YouTube. Or in the morning when he wakes up at 4:48AM and putting on Nick Jr so that he’ll be content for an extra 10-15 minutes instead of kicking you and crawling all over you. It’s necessary and I shall never judge another mama for doing that!

I actually can’t stand him watching TV for long periods of time so it’s not like I’m letting him watch it for an hour or more. I hate seeing him zoned onto the screen instead of playing with his toys and that’s just how I feel personally. I really don’t care what other moms do because hey, we need a break every so often and that’s OK!

2. I THOUGHT PACKAGED BABY FOOD WAS THE DEVIL.

I had a goal of never feeding Levi Gerber baby food. Well, that didn’t last long. I actually started out making him his own purées but once he started going to my in laws they started feeding him pre made baby food. I was actually really upset about it at the time especially because I worked hard to make him his own food. So then I bought organic only baby food and then people started giving him Gerber baby food which also bothered me because I didn’t like all the added stuff in it.

Fast forward to now where Levi has eaten a ton of Gerber baby food. We actually feed him mostly what we eat and less pre made food (except puréed fruit since he won’t eat the real stuff because picky!). It actually helped him eat textures and I can’t believe how against it I was. For some reason I just thought it wasn’t healthy for him and I was so delusional.

3. I THOUGHT PEOPLE WHO LET THEIR BABY SLEEP WITH THEM WERE STUPID.

“Like, omg, you’re baby sleeps with you and not in their own room?!”

That was me. Before having a baby. Before learning how hard it was to wake up multiple times in the middle of the night to feed my baby AND wake up at 5:30 to get ready for work. F that.

Okay so I know SIDS exists and it’s actually scary AF so if you’re smart and have more determination than I do, stick to putting your little one in the crib. But I’m stupid and lazy and also love sleep so my kid sleeps with us at night. I love it to be honest. I love waking up next to him but I also get anxiety when I think about SIDS. I’m actually trying to put him into the crib at night now (he’s in it now!) but he always ends up back in our bed because he’ll wake up every 30 mins or so crying/screaming and when we’re tired we just give in. Judge us. It’s a work in progress. For our next kid though, that baby is never sleeping in our bed so that I don’t have to deal with this problem ever again, lol. I love the company but also want my bed back *shrugs*.

4. I’D NEVER LET MY ANIMALS NEAR MY SON.

So after working where I work and just knowing that animals are animals and are unpredictable, I thought I’d never let Wilson or Moka near Levi.

So I’ll just say this, I don’t let Levi touch them because I know Wilson wouldn’t like to be pulled on and Moka also wouldn’t like to be pulled on. I mean, what animal would? Wilson’s actually amazing and ignores Levi and I love it because I don’t have to deal with keeping him away from Levi or him getting in his face. Moka will get close to Levi and there have been times Levi has pet her head or touched her back and she’s never swat at him or hissed or done anything negative. With all that being said, I thought I’d never let Levi interact with our pets as much as I have. I’m definitely not saying to go and let your baby go all over your pets. You should never do that!! That’s just asking for trouble. I think exposing them all to each other is actually beneficial, though. Just always be present!

5. I’D NEVER JUDGE MY BODY AFTER PREGNANCY.

I always thought moms who were so harsh on themselves after giving birth were idiots. Like, you just grew a human being!! Why would you get frustrated with yourself? You should love your cellulite and stretch marks and flabby stomach!!

Then I became a mom. Then I had this whole new body I’d never seen before. My clothes didn’t fit and I hated myself so much that I ate my feelings and gained weight so that I never wanted to leave the house. I didn’t even want to get dressed or let anyone see me. I never got a lot of stretch marks so I wasn’t insecure about the ones I did get but I was for sure insecure about the weight I gained after giving birth. What happened to bouncing back?? Why not me but those girls on Instagram?

Point is, I get it now. No matter how many births you go through I’m sure your after birth baby bod will always feel unfamiliar. Even though I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again, I know I’ll go through these feelings again sometime down the road. I want to tell myself not to beat myself up because I did something so miraculous but that’ll be hard to do. Loving myself is and always will be a journey.

What are some things you thought you’d never do before having a baby? Isn’t it so wild how your thoughts and opinions change? One thing I don’t ever want to do is introduce Levi to an iPad. When I see kids with iPads I cringe so hard. But hey….shit happens and I might change my mind in a few years (praying I don’t, haha).

11 Months Old.

Okay soooo since I didn’t write last week (too much life going on), I’ll fill you in on everything that happened! Remember my last post when I mentioned a surprise? Yeah, I adopted a puppy from my work. I fell in love with her the moment I interacted with her on her intake. She was a chihuahua/corgi mix and she was ADORABLE. Still is, of course. So anyways, she went out to foster for a couple of weeks and when she came back I took her home and my work let me try it out for a couple of days before I made the big decision. It was tough, but Jesse said he wanted to adopt her so we did. We adopted her on a Friday and then over the weekend we both realized we made the wrong decision because it was very difficult to take care of a puppy and Levi since they both required so much attention. I won’t go into full detail because my heart still hurts but we ended up returning her back to my work. She’s since been adopted by a younger woman who can give her all the love and attention she needs. I had named her Penelope and we called her P Nelly. She was the absolute best pupper and I’m devastated that it wasn’t the right time in our lives to have her in it. It was the most difficult decision I’ve had to make thus far. I definitely didn’t want to bring her back but I had to do what was right for her and my family. You know, working at a shelter I would see families return puppies all the time and think, “Damn, what idiots. OF COURSE it’s going to be a lot of work to have a puppy with kids!” …and here I am doing the exact same thing. I guess I just underestimated all the work since I loved her so much. She was the perfect puppy, though. Super easy going and chill and cute and literally perfect. I hope she has the best life and gets all the cuddles and love because she deserves it.

Okay, now that I’m crying…let’s move on to my other news. I am quitting my job. Kind of backwards since a lot of moms seem to quit their job right after having their baby instead of a year later but it’s what we’ve decided to do. Jesse and I really want to spend time together with Levi as a family during the summer and holiday’s. I can’t really tell how long I’m going to off for because it’s the weirdest feeling to me right now. I like having a job and going to work (most days, haha) and having somewhat of a social life. I also like making my own money and being able to pay my own bills and all of that stuff. So, it’ll be different. But I am really looking forward to spending time with Levi and Jesse. It’s going to be so nice to finally be with them. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much for some reason. I don’t have a regular 9-5 job and my schedule isn’t always the same so it’s hard sometimes to spend quality time with them. Sunday’s will now be days for relaxing instead of house chores and grocery shopping. It’ll be a nice change. My last day will be the 19th of April, so I have a few weeks left.

Not much has changed in our house except that Levi now has his top teeth coming in, which I could have talked about in the last post? I should probably reread those before I write another blog post, haha. Anyways, They’ve been hiding in his gums for a while and now one tooth has finally poked through! The other doesn’t seem to far behind. He’s been eating like a champ. We’re still working on the sippy cup thing. Damn, I wish someone warned me how freakin hard it is to teach them how to use a sippy cup! Geez, I feel so behind. I keep having to remind myself that he’ll be OK if he doesn’t learn right away and he’ll learn eventually. #WorkingMomsGuilt. I just love my chunker so much and I can’t believe he’s 11 MONTHS! I’m still in the process of planning his birthday party. I really don’t want it to be over the top but I still want a theme and I want it to be cute. I can’t believe he’s going to be an entire year old. We’re also trying to transition him into his crib full time. He’s good about taking naps in there but he’s stubborn when it’s bed time. I’m just terrified of SIDS now that he moves around so much. I actually feel like it’s easier when they’re smaller because if you don’t move then they’ll be fine but now he’s all over the place and it scares me!

Last night I hung out with my friends and went to a Korean BBQ place and man oh man was that delicious! I’ve never been before and I already can’t wait to go back. I’m usually not into eating so much meat but it was so flavorful and….my mouth is drooling already. My blood sugars have been pretty high lately and I’m not sure why so I’ve been pretty unhappy about that as of late. It really messes with my mood and gets me sad. I’m waiting to get paid so that I can sign up to the gym because I really miss working out! I’ve done it at home a couple of times but it’s just not the same for me. I really want to focus on my health and I’ve been so stressed out lately with everything that’s going on that I’ve been stress eating and not choosing the healthiest foods.

Levi’s asleep and I’ve already cleaned the downstairs part of my house and now I’m too tired to work on the upstairs. One of the things I also look forward to being off is all the home projects I’ll finally have time for. I have picture frames I’ve been wanting to hang up for about a month now and they’ve just been sitting there collecting dust. You’d think I’d have time for hanging picture frames but I don’t. And Levi’s room is a disaster. There’s a pile of clothes just collecting on the floor every time he outgrows something. I want to donate most of it but I have to go through it. Also, anyone have an idea of where I can donate all of those clothes? I guess I could do Goodwill but I wanted them to go to someone who might need them more, like a shelter or something. I’ll do some research.

 

We Have A Stander.

Well, an assisted stander. Levi is pulling himself up using the couch/us like it’s nobody’s business! It’s so wild to see how quickly he’s learned to do this. It’s absolutely amazing to me. I really feel like he’ll be walking in a month or so. I mean, he seems determined!

We’ve fed him more solids as of late and he’s been such a good eater!! After all those days of worrying and crying, thinking I was making him slow down because I wasn’t there enough for him. It feels good to see him progress as much as he has. I made chicken noodle soup last night and I drained the liquid for his portion and chopped up all the noodles and veggies and he loved it! He had it again for lunch today and ate it all! It makes me so so happy.

This is my last week of the gym! I’m pretty sad about it because that means I have to join a real gym *gulp*. I am a lot more confident in the gym, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice to have someone tell you what to do and how to do it. It’ll be greatly missed! I’ve been 50/50 with my diet. Some days are better than others. I’ve been quite emotional lately so I’ve been eating more than usual which is what I do when I’m feeling down. So that’s shitty.

Over the weekend I went to a Paint Your Pet class that my work had and I painted Wilson! It was a fun experience for sure and Jesse hung up my painting right when I got home which I thought was so cute!! He totally doubted my painting skills before I went in so it was nice to prove to him that I could do it! So since I had Saturday off to do that, we also did our grocery shopping on Saturday which meant that Sunday was lazy day!! I don’t remember the last time I had a lazy day with Levi and Jesse! Literally did like three loads of laundry, Jesse let me sleep in, and we just chilled and did nothing all day and it was so amazing. I loved it and I was so sad that it had to end.

Today I worked out and then went to TJ Maxx and Whole Foods with Levi. I looove taking him places with me! He’s always so good. We finally got a basket for his toys! 12.99 people! Like, I almost bought one at target for $25. Tj Maxx is the place to go for stuff like that. I’m so cheap, haha.

Anyways, I’m excited for this week. There might be a surprise! I’ll have to update you all next Monday 😉

He Eats!

(Feeling uninspired for a yummy salad? Add some bacon, seasoned chicken, and hard boiled egg! Not shown are the chopped veggies at the bottom of the bowl lol)

We’ve made some great strides in the past few days with new foods! Levi really likes waffles and meat! He had his first taste of some pulled pork at a BBQ restaurant close by and he was obsessed. I know it had BBQ sauce on it and it might just have tons of sugar but hey, I don’t want him eating bland food because I want him to experience all types of flavors! Tonight I made a salad with chicken that I seasoned with Italian seasoning and I tore it into little pieces and he was a total fan of that, too. I am so proud of him! I was feeling sad earlier because I saw a photo of how much a toddler should eat (I know he isn’t a toddler yet) and I was like, damn, Levi definitely doesn’t eat that much solids in a day. I was feeling like a failure, again, for not being home with him all the time to control what and when he eats. I don’t have all the time in the world to make baby muffins or pancakes or whatever stay at home moms make for their babies. I know working moms do it too, but I’m hoping you get what I’m saying.

Anyways, he’s still crawling around and is totally obsessed with standing and using the couch or us to hold himself up. I’m not sure if he’s been doing this and I haven’t noticed but yesterday I saw him go into sitting from laying on his tummy. Like, when was he capable of this?! I was so proud of him! I have no idea when he started doing that but it had to have been recent. Saturday night my parents watched him overnight so me and Jesse could do a date night and have an uninterrupted sleep! How cool is that? Our date night consisted of In N Out and Target and then getting into bed almost immediately after getting home. We were both exhausted. I had to work that day and didn’t get off until 7 so I was really tired already. As soon as I woke up in the morning I wanted to get Levi because I missed him so much. I didn’t even get to sleep in, I woke up at 6:30.

We finally got a real high chair for Levi and I love it! We got rid of the pack and play that we had downstairs because anytime we put Levi in it, he would just stand up and hold onto the table and we were scared he would fall out. We could have lowered the mattress to the bottom to be more of a play pen but the thought of confining him to that small area seemed dumb because I’d rather just put him on the living room floor. My house is pretty compact so it’s not like he’s ever far away from me if I’m in the kitchen and he’s in the living room so it’s not a big deal. It definitely frees up a lot of space in our house, though! It’s nice to get rid of some baby stuff, as much as I miss him being small. I actually can’t wait until he no longer needs formula because I really want to get rid of the bottles! I know he’ll still drink from bottles but I don’t like the thing we hang our bottles on to dry, it takes up space on my counter and just creates more clutter.

We’re getting ready for Levi’s first birthday and I’m trying to come up with all the details so I won’t be stressed out. I’m getting excited for it! Pizza and cupcakes, we’re keeping it simple! We have a clubhouse behind our home where we live and we might have the party there because I feel bad using my parents’ house and I don’t want them to stress about having people over. We’ll probably just use the clubhouse, which I think is free because we have HOA fees so it probably pays for it? I have no idea actually. Just another thing we have to check out.

Lately I’ve been having issues with my blood sugars, which I think I might have mentioned last week so I recently added a unit to my long lasting insulin for the mornings and it seems to have helped me throughout the day. I have woken up twice with blood sugars under 120! Awesome! And to those who might be wondering, no, I’m not trying to get good blood sugars to have a baby. I just really want to be healthy and when I was trying for a baby and while I was pregnant I had the best blood sugars I’ve ever had while having diabetes and it was awesome. It was a lot of hard work and I don’t plan to be that strict but I do want to be healthy like that again. It’s so important for anyone with diabetes!

I want to end this post with something I was thinking about earlier today and that is to really appreciate your life and where you’re at. Everyone is so different and I know I’ve talked about social media and how easy it is to compare yourself to others but I caught myself doing it the other day and it made me feel so shitty. I follow someone who has multiple kids, dogs, a home, a marriage, good paying jobs, and it made me want that. WHY WOULD I WANT THAT? I already have a family, two pets, and a home. But I don’t have that marriage. I don’t have a good paying job. The thing is, I haven’t’ worked for a good paying job, you know what I mean? Why should I have something that I haven’t worked for? The marriage thing is a work in progress, lol. My time will come one day but it isn’t that important when I really stop to think about it. People get married to start their lives together, right? Well we’ve already started ours, we just skipped a step and that’s OK. It’s OK to skip steps. I think what I’m really trying to say is that there’s this whole perception that after high school you need to go to college and then get a great job that pays well and then you get married and buy a home and start a family. It doesn’t need to be that way, though. It sucks that that’s what people want, exactly in that order. And if you don’t do it in that order then you’ve messed up or if you’ve skipped a step you’ve messed up. Who cares if you still live with your parents and you’re 25 or that you work as a cashier or that you had kids before you got married. It shouldn’t define you or your happiness. When I stop to think about all that I have I’m reminded of how blessed I am. I think everyone is blessed in their own ways, you just have to stop and think about it all. If you live at home with your parents or a family member maybe that means you get to save money or travel more than someone who doesn’t. If you live with a partner that means you get to spend time with them and don’t have to worry about long distance, etc etc. There’s pro’s to every situation, you just have to think about it.

Hopefully that helps anyone who might be going through a social media depression of comparing your life to someone else’s. It helped me.