23 weeks.

So it’s been a little while…and I’ll be 24 weeks this Thursday. I wanted to share updates from the last couple of weeks!

First, let’s talk diabetes. I can’t seem to get myself about the 70% range (of being “in range”). 70% isn’t terrible…but it isn’t amazing either. I struggle with my lunches and dinners still. Eating too much without realizing or maybe just choosing the wrong foods. Idk. I’m not sure why I just can’t stay super strict. I was soo strict when I was pregnant with Levi and for some reason I’m more relaxed this time around. I just feel so sad sometimes because I wonder if I’m hurting my baby. And if I am, well, then it’s all my fault you know? Why can’t I have more dedication? What’s wrong with me? Even when I try I feel like I’m failing. I don’t know what to do really. With the holidays coming up I feel extra challenged. I remember doing well at thanksgiving with my first pregnancy. I worry about this thanksgiving…

In other news, baby was fine during the 2nd trimester ultrasound. And I covered my eyes while they looked at the sex of the baby so yes, it’s still a mystery to me! I was so relieved to find everything looking well and on track. The baby has been moving lots lately and still kicking pretty low but sometimes I’ll get a punch or something up higher in my belly. I love putting Levi’s hand on my stomach so he can feel it too. I truly do not care whether it’s a boy or a girl and maybe that’s why I just don’t care about finding out until they arrive into the world. Im so excited for their arrival and sometimes I wish I could just hold them right now. Last night I had a dream it was a girl and she was absolutely beautiful. It made me sad when my alarm went off because I didn’t want to wake up from the dream.

In terms of symptoms I’ve been dealing with, it’s mostly physical. I still have sciatica and now I’m experiencing a lot of pelvic pain. Mostly pain in my vagina (sorry tmi) or inner thighs. It’s extremely unpleasant and hurts to walk. After speaking with my doctor and work, I just try to limit my bending over but after working for a few hours I still end up in pain. I wish I could just stay home and not have to go to work, to be honest. It just hurts! I’ve discovered that I can no longer wear my vans. I wore them to the grocery store and immediately started being in pain while I was shopping. When I wear my athletic shoes, I don’t feel that way. So now I’m on the hunt for cute athletic shoes that still provide the comfort I need. I also bought myself a belly support band and I wear that to work. I’ve noticed it definitely helps! Other than all of that, I’m pretty good. I still have days where I wake up and am just so insecure and find my reflection absolutely repulsive. That really sucks.

Levi’s doing well. He’s such a happy boy and I freakin love him so much! I think he’s going to love being a big brother. Im trying to cherish all this time I have with him, where it’s just us 3. We’re taking him to Disneyland in a couple weeks and I’m hoping he has fun and enjoys it!