19 weeks.

Hello all.

I got back from my honeymoon on Monday and it was quite difficult to go back to work Wednesday. So difficult that I almost cried on the way, lol. Real life just set in ya know? Responsibilities and chores and just all the things got me down. Lots of stress. The only thing that made me excited to be home was seeing my son! God, I was so excited to see him. He was so happy to come home. I just love him so freaking much. Sometimes I truly believe he has to be the most loved kid in the world because we constantly hug and kiss him and tell him we love him. Spoiled in the best way possible, in my opinion!

Our honeymoon was great! Very relaxing and definitely what we needed. I look back now and I’m so happy we were able to spend that time together. It’s really hard to spend quality time together these days, sometimes I feel so out of sync with one another. My blood sugars were alright, sometimes hard to manage but I did the best I could and tried to give myself grace through it all, knowing it was a small moment in time for my pregnancy.

Speaking of blood sugars, I’m still not 100% where I’d like to be and it makes me sad because I’m already in my 5th month but according to my dr I’m doing well. I remember when I was pregnant last time, the dr kept telling me to ease up a little. So maybe I am doing quite alright this time? I just worry I’m gonna fuck up somehow and it’s scary. My best work is usually during the week since I have a solid routine of what I eat and when. I usually stay 70% in range and apparently that’s okay. I would rather be 80% but I can only keep trying.

As far as symptoms go, my mental health seems to be doing a lot better. I don’t feel depressed every single day anymore and I definitely feel less emotional. That was a wild 3-4 months not going to lie. It was really really hard and even harder because nobody really understood so I felt very isolated. I still get down sometimes but not as severe as before. My nausea is like 98% gone! Sometimes I’ll feel it if I’ve eaten too much or something, but no more nausea lasting all day/evening. Thank goodness!! I still have sciatic nerve pain, especially during the week when I work. My body starts to slowly shut down on me around 10-11am. It’s hard because my job can be super active and they are understanding but at the same time…what am I supposed to do? Sit down for hours doing nothing? Also, once the nerve pain starts to act up even sitting down starts to hurt, especially getting up. It’ll last all evening. I noticed I don’t experience any pain on the weekends and didn’t have any pain during my vacation. Not sure what’ll end up happening at work. Guess we’ll see.

I’m starting to get back into cooking which brings me so much joy! I’ve got this weeks dinners all planned out. Could be the weather change (it’s currently raining and I love it) or that I’m feeling better, don’t know for sure but I’ll take it while I can. I still eat pretty much the same foods and still loving my fruit for my snacks at work! Got a couple yogurts too. Also still loving hot Cheetos here and there, lol. It’s called balance okay?

OH YEAH! And I’m finally feeling the baby kick. Started around the end of week 17. It’s what I’ve been waiting for for so long and I just love it so much. It’s so reassuring to me and it’s just the best feeling to me. Levi loves talking to my belly sometimes to say hello to the baby. Thinking about him being a big brother melts my heart because he is so kind and gentle and good to me that I just get so happy our new baby will be blessed with a brother like him. How lucky.

Of course I have my moments of worry though. I worry how I’ll be able to be a mom of two and keep myself happy. Kids can definitely put a strain on a relationship and mental health. I know I already struggle, and definitely did struggle when Levi was a baby. I wonder how can I love this baby as much as Levi? Will I become a shitty parent? Am I already one? There’s just..,a lot. There’s so much excitement yet worry all at the same time. I’m not sure how I’ll do this but I’m sure I’ll get through it.

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