12 weeks.

Man, last week was an absolute doozy if I do say so myself. Emotions are at an all time high. I hate to jump into something sad right at the beginning but I think not many women talk about depression during pregnancy. Or maybe they do, idk.

I have many different reasons for the things that make me sad these days. I think one huge one is my body. With Levi, I started at such a smaller weight and it took a while before I even started to show. I loved being pregnant and I loved how my body looked. I was so confident. Now, at 12 weeks (13 when you read this), my jeans are already too tight. I don’t feel attractive and my self esteem is very low. I wake up and go to sleep with my new belly, which is housing the most precious thing right now, but I’m having trouble accepting and loving it. I bought maternity jeans but they’re too big for me right now so they don’t fit. I don’t feel comfortable in any of my shirts either. It makes me not want to leave my house for anything. What’s the point when I have nothing to wear that makes me feel good? Or I’m wearing the same outfits over and over again. It just really bums me out. I keep wondering how I even have a husband when I feel so ugly and gross.

I’m also starting to feel very alone again. I know physically I’m not alone. Just mentally. Like I have nobody who can truly relate to me and how I feel. I spoke to my doctor and she recommends I seek out some therapy which I completely agree with. I think it would be really beneficial right now. I just have to take the jump and do it.

As far as other symptoms go, my nausea has gotten so much better. I actually cooked a lot! I’m having less food aversions. Starting to get full quite fast which I remember happening last time and it’s working out perfectly since my doctor wanted me to lower my carb intake anyways. I feel like my blood sugars are doing so much better, too. I’m trying really really hard to stay on track. I still have sciatica that mostly flares up at work when I’m on my feet all day. I should probably do some stretches for that but always forget.

Anyways, this isn’t very eventful! I could have found out the sex of the baby last week but didn’t. We are trying to stick to the plan of keeping it a surprise!