My Five Year Plan.

Jesse just asked me what my five year plan is and I didn’t really need to think much about it honestly. Except when I think about it, it sucks that there’s not really a point in having any sort of plan especially when this entire year has already gone down the drain. Maybe I’m too negative right now but everything we had already planned for the year was basically ruined. We were so excited to take Levi to Disneyland around the time of his second birthday. We were going to get married (still a possibility but who knows if it’ll happen this year). I wanted to plan for another baby. There were things we wanted to do and places we wanted to go. So…it’s a bummer to think they won’t be happening and I’m just so impatient it sucks that I have to wait.

But for the sake of this post, if I had a five year plan that was actually attainable it would be that I would love to move! At first we talked about moving out of state but I don’t think we can part with California any time soon (or in five years). Currently in the bay area where home prices are insane, we’re thinking of moving a bit up north maybe around Sacramento, that way we can still go to Lake Tahoe since it means a lot to the both of us. The reason I don’t see us moving any time soon is that due to COVID-19, we are both unemployed. My salary definitely isn’t helpful, but his is. So probably at the end of the year he’ll have to be looking for a new job. He’ll need to get back on his feet in order to make enough money to buy a home! So yeah, we’ll see if we move in five years!

The second was to have a baby. I cannot tell you how bad my baby fever is right now, and has been for a few months now. I already started a few months ago making sure my blood sugars were tighter so that when it was time to set things up with my doctors, I’d be close to perfect in terms of being healthy enough to start trying to conceive. I know I could get pregnant right now if I wanted to, but due to my diabetes I’d like to be under my doctors supervision like I was with Levi. It’s very helpful and it puts my mind at ease since being pregnant with diabetes is no joke. Also, another thing holding me back is obviously the pandemic. I’m not really trying to be pregnant right now during it and have the added stress since I worried 24/7 about my pregnancy just because of my diabetes in the first place. Any time I see a pregnant woman on my feed these days, I can’t help but be extremely jealous and sad that I can’t be “normal” and just get pregnant without having to worry about other things besides the pandemic. Obviously I’m happy for all the women getting pregnant and having babies, I just have a quick emotion of being sad, too. So maybe it’ll happen next year. We’ll see.

I would love to travel! A while ago, me and Jesse said that every year we’d try and visit at least one state that we’ve never been to. Obviously that isn’t going to happen this year and that’s okay. It’s not like a huge deal or anything but it still makes me sad that we’re basically going to spend all of 2020 in our home.

Getting married, of course. I want it to happen this year but I can’t see it going well if it does. I haven’t tried on any dresses or planned anything. I’m afraid when it happens I’m going to be a mess and won’t be able to enjoy any part of it and that also makes me sad. But we’ve been together for almost 11 years and I suppose waiting another year won’t change anything.

So, I guess that’s not a whole lot for a five year plan but honestly I just want to grow my family and have a bigger home to fit everyone and our animals. I just want to be happy. I’m not sure if it’s a bad thing that I don’t have any career goals set for myself. If I think too much about that it’ll make me sad. I don’t know why I’m not driven to have a career. I do like working, though. I guess I just don’t see any talents in myself that make me qualified enough to have a career. I’d probably have to go back to school and I don’t want to do that to be honest. I don’t have the attention span to focus on reading a book or writing a paper, lol. It would definitely be cool to work with animals again, though. I find so much joy in that and I also don’t mind the dirty work, either. I like being busy. I could never sit at a desk all day and stare at a computer. I even thought it would be cool to work at a grocery store (ummm hello discounts and being around food all day?!) but I’d never want to be cashier again because F THAT. I’d have to be a stocker or something to feel fulfilled. Anyways, now I’m rambling and probably saying too much about myself that I might be embarrassed about later. Do you have a five year plan? Do you believe in making them or feel it’s not really necessary since life changes all the time? I remember not having a birth plan because I knew if I planned it and it didn’t go the way I wanted that I’d be so disappointed and I didn’t want myself to feel that way. I just wanted to go with the flow, and that’s exactly what I did! I think applying it to life would be a good idea, too. Less planning, less disappointment.

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