18 Months Old.

Another month, another update! He’s doing pretty much the same except has added a couple of more words to his vocabulary! I don’t think he was saying this last month but if I already said it then…oops. Well, he says “thank you” and it’s SO cute you guys! Jesse has heard him say “grandpa” but I haven’t heard it yet so who knows haha. Levi is the funniest little person ever. He makes me laugh all the time and he is seriously my little best friend! He still has only 8 teeth so we’re waiting for his molars to pop through. His favorite snacks are bananas, fig bars, cheddar bunnies, and applesauce. We went through a phase a long time ago where he ate a ton of graham crackers and Ritz crackers as snacks. We stopped buying them because he kept feeding them to Wilson, and would also walk away when offered to him. He’s been such a great eater still! I mean, he tries most things but doesn’t always like it but he usually eats whatever I make for dinner (for the most part). Last week I made a brand new meal almost every day and he only liked one dinner! That was a bummer.

We’ve been going to the park a lot lately and the germs finally caught onto us and got us sick. He started showing symptoms Sunday afternoon and luckily he only had one fever one night and it’s just been a runny nose since, but it still sucks! He passed it along to me and I think the other night and yesterday were my worst days for sure. I’m so thankful to not have a sore throat, those are seriously the worst!

One thing I’ve been so paranoid about lately is him getting diabetes since I have it. I’ve always been terrified of my child getting it since their chances of getting it goes up if they have a relative with it. I think I read it’s more likely if the father has it? Not completely sure. He has his 18 month checkup next week so we’ll be able to talk to the doctor about it. I’d test his blood sugar at home but I don’t want to be the one to prick his little finger. I don’t have it in me. We also need to get our flu shots! I didn’t get mine last year and I was fine so I’m honestly like 50/50 on those things. I don’t know why some people have such strong opinions on them. I felt like my neighbor was totally judging me when she asked me if I had gotten it and I told her no. Whateva.

Anyways, we’re excited for Halloween to come and we already have his costume ready to go! We’ve taken him to a couple of houses that have a ton of decorations and he isn’t quite sure of it all but they’re all interesting to look at!

I’ll make this post extra long and add a few things I’ve been going through, or what has been going on in my life. I mean, I’m 18 months post partum right?? I can’t believe I’m saying this but I am going to go back to my old job and work part time! We’ve been struggling a little financially (which was my biggest fear when I was quitting my job before) so we thought it would be nice to have me work a couple of days a week. I’m still so fortunate to be able to stay home as much as I will be. The entire time I was out of work I couldn’t get used to being a stay at home mom. I questioned how other moms were able to do it and enjoy it. I mean, I enjoy every second of it but the money situation is what I couldn’t understand. Like, how do you buy your husband/partner gifts? With their money? If you have a joint bank account then that’s the solution I suppose, but we don’t have one. I feel like a child every other week getting an allowance to spend on my bills or misc. things. So yeah, I miss making my own money but I also love being at home. Levi is at his grandparents house right now and my heart feels empty because I just love being around him even when he exhausts me. So it’ll be hard for sure to go back to work because I told myself I’d look for a new place to work at whenever I decided to go back. Plus, this job requires weekend work and holiday work which I was excited to also not have to do anymore. But, such is life right? I think of it as doing what I gotta do to help my family! And it’s so minimal that I feel like an asshole for even slightly complaining.

Also, I’ve been on this intuitive eating journey and although I haven’t finished the book, I’ve learned a lot. Some days are harder than others for sure. I caved and stepped on the scale today because I went through my pile of jeans and tried on the pre-baby ones. At first I thought of it as a mistake like, “why would you start your day off like this??” but it had to be done. Of course none of them fit me. Even the ones that fit me right after having Levi didn’t fit me anymore. The boyfriend fit jeans weren’t boyfriend fit, they were pretty tight. So yeah, it sucked. I try to put into my head that I know I’ve gained weight since having him but that I also have way more muscle. I say it to myself to try to make myself feel better. Today that’s not really working. I know my legs have more muscle because they didn’t have any before, but they really are a lot thicker and I hate when people take pictures of me showing my lower half. If they do, I crop it out. As if I don’t want to show people…it makes having social media suck. Anyways, I weighed myself and was surprised that I hadn’t gained or lost any weight since intuitively eating. Which is a good thing, I think. I’ve been trying to really listen to my body so to know that it hasn’t let me down by gaining weight is pretty cool I guess. It’s hard to want to drop several pounds but also not make food an enemy (or a really close best friend). I just want food to be food. I stopped making cookies because I would make a batch once a week and I think I finally got sick of them. So then I moved onto dates which I think were a way healthier choice in terms of something sweet. Sure, they’re high in sugar but it’s natural sugar which is way better than sugar in processed foods. While I had my sore throat I had Jesse go get me ice cream. I hadn’t had it in a long while and it felt sooo good to eat something that soothed my throat! So I’m not beating myself up over that either. I think I’m making a lot of improvements. One thing I’ve definitely been slacking on this month are my work outs. I’ve hardly done any which is embarrassing because last month I was so active! But I’m not letting that stop me from doing it once I feel better. I’ve been in a bit of a haze lately and I can’t really focus on much. I just haven’t been in the mood to put it simply, and I’m letting that be OK, because it is. I’ll get back to it either the end of the week or next week.

Sorry for not writing more often, to anyone who actually enjoys these updates. I like doing them even if they’re boring because one day I’ll find joy in reading them again.

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