16 Months Old.

Okay so Levi will be 16 months old in three days. The time is flying by and I’m not quite sure where it’s going. I feel like I haven’t written on here in a while so I’ll fill you all in on things that have been happening. I’ll start with Levi first. So he definitely says a few more words now! Words that family can understand as I’m sure if some random person heard him, they wouldn’t know what the hell he was saying, haha. If I take him to a store and Jesse takes him out of the shopping cart, there is no way we’re going to be able to get him back into the cart without him throwing a fit. This kid is on the freakin’ move! It took until last week for him to be able to stand up from a sitting position, though. He could only stand by crawling to someone/something near to help him stand up but we met a new baby friend who lives down the street and he just turned 1 years old and could stand up from sitting, but couldn’t walk yet. I’m thinking Levi saw him standing up and started doing it because within a week of knowing and being around this baby only twice, he started doing it. Levi is still obsessed with cars! He doesn’t care to stare out of the window much these days to watch them drive by but he always says, “ooh!” when a loud truck goes by. He does the CUTEST thing where he picks up his toy trucks and drives them along the couch or TV stand. Literally my heart melts when he does that. He also loves being outside and when we go to Jesse’s softball games he’s just off running around (with me close behind). He’s also a total fish and loves the water! Baths, pools, whatever! He’s into it. He’s still a pretty good eater and will eat almost anything we feed him. I don’t have a lot of trouble with veggies or anything but of course we kind of eat the same stuff so it’s not a ton of variety. I’m still obsessed with him (duh) and he makes me want another baby so so bad! I don’t know how I got so lucky with such a perfect baby, but I did and I’m so beyond grateful for that.

A few weeks ago (like, last month actually) we went to our community pool and met a woman and her son who’s 3 months younger than Levi. The woman had her mom there also and her mom sort of pushed us to exchange numbers because they seemed so excited to meet someone in the neighborhood with a baby who also is a stay at home mom. The inner me was CRINGING at this entire exchange. I’m all for meeting new people but I like making friends on my own terms, you know? I’m just that kind of gal. Also, the real kicker is I almost didn’t go to the pool with Jesse and Levi because I wasn’t feeling well but I forced myself to go. I walked home from the pool with such regret at the time, haha. Like, “why did I go?! I don’t want new friends!” Such an asshole, I know. So since I got her number because my hands were free at the time, I felt like I had no choice but to text her. So I did. We’ve hung out a couple of times with the first being a nice long walk and play time at her house with her and her son and Levi. Then she invited us to her sons first birthday party which was also nice but also awkward since we knew absolutely no one. I’m not even kidding you when I tell you I was SO anxious both times. I was so out of my element but I pushed myself to do something I didn’t necessarily want to do. I’m actually going to hang out with her tomorrow and I think she’s really nice and her son is a total cutie. She is a little older than I am so it’s also why I feel awkward because I feel like a child? Well not really a child but like, less experienced in life I suppose. Different interests and what not. I know it’s good for Levi to play around other kids so I just kind of have to do this for him!

If that last paragraph makes me sound like an asshole, I’m sorry. I’m just super introverted and I like ME time and after hanging out with someone once, I’m good without seeing them for a really long time. Not because I don’t like them but I just take a little (or a lot) longer to recharge my social battery I suppose. I also kind of hate knowing that someone knows I’m home….doing stay at home mom things, while they’re also at home doing stay at home mom things…and like, wanting to be with me. Does anyone else understand?? Also, I know I’m a stay at home mom but I actually like to keep busy! Before it got so hot I’d take Levi to the park quite often. Or I go to the stores during the week and bring him along, and I go to family members houses, AND I also like to just do NOTHING with him! Sometimes it’s so nice to just stay at home and talk to nobody else and just hang out at home and have fun here!

So in the midst of all of that I actually considered going back to work a couple of days. I was extremely depressed for about two weeks and I felt like maybe I needed to have “me” days and just go back to work. Unfortunately the conditions at my old job aren’t sunshine and unicorns at the moment, so I skipped out on the opportunity for now. When I thought about going to work It actually made me a little sad because I absolutely love being with Levi, even when I’m so exhausted and can’t keep up. I just love waking up next to him and making him breakfast and having fun together all day. I also feel like if I went back to work I’d really have zero days to do stuff around the house. I mean, I only get one day a week where he goes to my in-laws and I pretty much have a “me” day so if I went back to work I wouldn’t have that at all anymore. It’d still feel like I’m working 40 hours a week! Honestly I don’t know how I did that with a newborn, holy shit. If there’s any time to stay at home with your child I wish I could have done it when he was younger. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re still extremely fortunate and I don’t take this for granted at all but I’m still pretty jealous of my friends who got to stay home with their new born baby and not have to go back to work after maternity leave. Sometimes I wonder if he wouldn’t have been delayed with a few things that I stressed over because I felt like I wasn’t around enough. Or maybe he’d be sleep trained because I would have had more patience. There’s a lot of things, actually. But here we are, becoming a stay at home mom when he turned 1 years old! He still kicks me in the face and wakes me up by talking to himself in the bed or trying to crawl off of it (fun!). Not sure when we’ll transition him to his room but I don’t see it happening anytime soon and I don’t want to talk about it haha.

Anyways, life’s been pretty chill over here. We just got back from Lake Tahoe because we had to help my parents with some stuff at the cabin. Levi loved it up there! It makes me happy because he’s experiencing the fun of the cabin like I did when I was his age. With the same couches and everything! It’s pretty wild to think about how many generations have been going up there and all the memories that are made. It’s a really special place and I never want to leave when I’m there. I’m almost always close to tears when we’re driving down the mountain to go back home and get back to reality. Jesse has a really easy job and I’m lucky that he gets to be home more than someone who works a 9-5 but even when he is home he still takes calls and enters people’s orders so sometimes I still feel alone. I really enjoy being able to spend time with him when he isn’t focused on work all the time or leaving to go take a work call (he’s in sales). We were able to do a little date night and go to dinner one night and I had so much fun with him! We ate really good food and then we rode Lime Scooters! He’s been wanting to ride them for sooo long and I’m such a chicken that I never had the balls to do it. If something requires me to be off of the ground and not in control of my own movement (besides driving a car) then I’m not interested most of the time lol. But I did it! And it was so fun! Afterwards we went to the casino and I put it into the universe that I would win money and I DID. It worked, ya’ll. I won 80 buckaroos and I was stoked about it. I’ve already spent it all but you know what, I worked for it! Haha, but really…I already bought workout leggings and two shirts that I am so excited to get!

Alrighty everyone, I am tired. It’s 9pm and last night I stayed up until 1:30 AM. I gotta mentally prepare myself to hangout with another adult human being in the morning so I will hopefully write more soon. There’s a topic I’ve been thinking about lately that I kind of want to write about. I know my blog doesn’t get a lot of traction, probably because I don’t advertise it or put it out there, but I do enjoy writing out my thoughts for others to see. Maybe I’ll speak to someone else’s soul…..I don’t know! Life’s nuts, amirite?