Sleep Training.

I’m writing this at 10pm on a Thursday. I’ve tried the whole sleep training thing and it’s just not for me. I can only go about 15 minutes of listening to him scream before I give in and go into his room, pick him up, and console him. I watched a video on sleep training and the woman in the video said something along the lines of, “you must not have your baby’s cries down yet” if you go and get them. Um, what? I totally know when he’s just faking it and when he needs his mama. Sure, he stops crying as soon as I pick him up but that’s because that’s what he wants. I’m giving him what he wants. I know that. I’m in such a pickle. I want my bed back but I also love waking up next to him. I want him to be confident in his crib and be able to sleep in there throughout the night. I want that for him. But I also want him to feel secure and loved and if sleeping with his parents makes him feel that way then why should I stop it? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I somewhat feel like moms who have sleep trained babies will judge me but look, this shit is hard. There, I said it. Being a parent and trying to decide what’s best for your child is hard. We’ve finally succeeded in no more bottles, only sippy cups (!!!) and also no more nighttime feedings. It literally happened the day of his 1 year checkup. It’s like he knew we were talking about him at the appointment and he knew how stressed out I was about the whole sippy cup transition. I’ve fed him about 3 bottles with whole milk since last week due to rough times but other than that it’s been smooth sailing. He even drank out of a sippy cup yesterday that he hated before. Anyways, I’m super happy with how that has turned out for us. He’s not really drinking milk, though. Just water. Doc said it was fine and that works for me!

Well, this is short. I’m just struggling. He takes his naps in his crib. First one today was about 30 min *sigh* but the second nap was about 2 hours which was amazing. We get him tired and ready for bed in our room  and once he’s asleep we move him into his crib. I know that’s frowned upon but we don’t have a rocking chair in his room or anything like that and there’s no way in hell that he’ll fall asleep on his own in his crib so that’s why we do what we do. I’ve realized every family is different and what works for someone else might not work for us. I wish I had spent time doing the whole sleep training thing months ago but at that time it wasn’t right for our family. I woke up early for work and we still fed 2-3 times a night for him and that was already exhausting so it was easy to keep him in bed with us. I look back and I’m surprised I’m not as sleep deprived as I feel like I should be. How did I work full time and take care of a baby and a house?! I’m really lucky to be able to stay at home right now and I will never take it for granted. Ever. I love staying at home with Levi and being able to finally spend time with him. Instead of coming home and taking care of him, I feel like I actually get to know him. It’s weird and maybe other working moms might know the feeling…