25 Weeks Postpartum.

So I’m going start this post off with a little baby daddy appreciation! He completely surprised me Thursday night by doing a feeding for me (It was my night) and also offering to take Levi to my parents house Friday for me (it’s on my way to work which is why I do it, and really out of his way) so I could get an extra 20 minutes of sleep! You might not think an extra 20 minutes does anything but it does! He said he did it because he knows how little sleep I get compared to him and how tiring my job is for me and what not. It was completely out of the blue and much appreciated. It’s the little things like that that make me so glad to have him. He does a lot more for me, too, but this surprised me in the best way. He had two late softball games last week and an event that was super late as well so I was on my own a lot.

My schedule is pretty intense (for me). Monday’s and Thursday’s I go to the gym in the mornings for my workouts and then the rest of the day is spent with Levi by myself and Jesse has his softball games those days so depending on the times, I have to be on my own most of the day which is tiring. The remaining days of the week I work (T,W,F,S) and and once I’m off I pick Levi up from wherever he is and get home, shower off any work residue, cook, clean, take care of baby, then sleep. Sunday’s are usually family days for us because it’s the only day we can do things together. We usually do errands together like grocery shopping and also clean the house. I don’t really like making plans on Sunday’s because they’re special to me. I wish I didn’t have to work Saturdays but I do unfortunately. I honestly have no idea how moms work out during the week if they’re working 40 hours. Like, how do you have time for that plus making dinner and taking care of your kids? I feel guilty being away from Levi especially if I haven’t seen him all day while I’ve been at work. I couldn’t imagine only seeing him for an hour or so. I’d rather have a mom bod than miss out on seeing my kid!

Speaking of mom bod. I had my assessment last week and it’s SO embarrassing that after all the work I’ve put in, especially with food, I only lost 1 pound. 1. One. ONE. I know I had days where I wasn’t perfect and messed up but I thought I would have done better than that. It was a wake up call. Honestly I HATE counting calories. It sucks and I think it’s stupid. I’d rather count carbs since it worked for me in the past. I mentioned it to my trainer and she said for me to try it out this month and see if it makes a difference so that’s what I’m going to do. I know you have to be in a deficit to lose weight but I see myself getting upset and frustrated with myself not being under my calorie goal and it is so hard for me. Sometimes I’m starving still and I want more food and I end up making bad choices. Counting carbs is easier for me and although stressful, it doesn’t make me feel bad about myself nearly as much as counting calories. So I’m hoping a change will happen with my body this month! I mean, I lost body fat which is good, and had some other improvements but I still hate how I look. Maybe I’m too hard myself but I just hate feeling uncomfortable all of the time. It sucks.

Another topic I wanted to address was my diabetes. It’s improved while doing this life change but since I’ve had a few bad days with food, it’s also been a bit bad. I’ve woken up three times in the past week with really high blood sugar since it goes up while I sleep. I don’t wear my dexcom anymore (I think I touched on this before) and maybe I should start. I just love the freedom of not having to have something attached to me. I also can’t really afford it right now. I’m torn over it. I know it would help me stay on track a lot more. Sometimes I don’t care about my blood sugar numbers and then I remind myself that one day, if they’re always running high, I’ll be in big trouble. Continuous High blood sugar can cause damage to your nerves, blood vessels, and organs. It can cause damage to your eyes and kidneys. If your blood sugar is too high or too low you could go into a diabetic coma which can lead to brain damage or death. Diabetes is serious shit, people! It’s insane and scary at times. I experienced a low blood sugar while Jesse was at his event last week and I freaked out and started to stuff my mouth with anything I thought would bring up my blood sugar. I ate and then checked it again and it was even lower so I ended up eating more food. Goodbye calorie deficit! I ended up being fine and my blood sugar went sky high afterwards. I probably shouldn’t have over ate like I did but I panicked. I fear going really low and not being able to take care of Levi. What if I passed out and he woke up and needed me or was hungry or got hurt? It scares the crap out of me! I have a feeling my weight loss journey will be a slow one but I’ve accepted that…

So for a couple days I’ve been quite down and couldn’t really figure out why until I got my period Saturday. It makes sense why I was crying a lot Sunday. I also visited my nana and papa at the cemetery so that was also a tear jerker and got me super emotional. Man, I miss that woman. No lie, I still think about her daily. I wish she were still here. Anyways, I’m feeling better now. I’m still in a weird antisocial mood, though. I get like this a lot. I just don’t care to talk to or see anyone. I’m too wrapped up in my own thoughts and figuring things out in my life that the thought of being around other people really overwhelms me. Not sure what my problem is but my mind hasn’t been clear lately so it’s hard for me to do things for others. I feel bad disappointing people but I just mentally can’t do things. Do I make sense? Who knows if others have ever felt the way I do so I hope I’m not speaking gibberish. Oh well.

Well, to make this end on a happier note, I am excited to dress Levi up for Halloween. We really have no plans so I may have wasted my money on this costume but I think it’ll be super cute. He seriously brightens my days up. He’s so freakin cute. He does this really silly thing with his mouth while he eats. Unfortunately I think I taught him that because I was messing around with him while he was eating and then he started mimicking me. I made peas last week and he’s been loving them all week! I think it’s his favorite. I made butternut squash yesterday so I’m excited for him to try it today. I had someone tell me they had no time to make their own baby food and it seemed super negative the way they said it towards me (they said something else too) and I remember it putting me in a bad mood making me think I wasn’t going to be able to do it but I’ve been doing it successfully! It’s literally the easiest thing in the world. You steam/boil whatever fruit or veggie you want to make, then you blend it in a blender or food processor and voila! Baby purée! Steaming/boiling only takes 10-15 minutes or less, depending on the food. I then put in a silicone ice cube tray which makes it easy to pop out the cubes when frozen. Once frozen I pop out all the cubes and keep them in a giant ziploc bag that’s labeled with what kind of purée it is and how long it’s good for. When ready to use I take two cubes and heat in a bowl for about 30 seconds or less until melted and I wait for it to cool down before feeding of course. I put the baby purée recipe book on my shower registry and my friend got it for me (thanks, Tara!) and I’m so glad I have it! I also look purées up on Pinterest so I recommend that too if you don’t have a book. If you notice on the pre made purées it’ll say they expire NEXT YEAR! Gross. It’ll also have added ingredients like Citric Acid (probably to preserve) and maybe other stuff. I’ve fed him pre made purées because my in laws got it for us and I also bought some at Sprouts when I didn’t have mine that I made (I found purées with only one ingredient – the food that it said it was). I prefer not to feed him that stuff but i also don’t want to waste it, either. I’m not trying to be some stuck up foodie over here so please don’t take it that way. I just didn’t realize that baby food had stuff in it that didn’t need to be in it. I completely understand that some people really don’t have time to do this kind of stuff or they simply just aren’t interested in doing it. It was just in my certain situation where I had someone making me feel like they were doubting me or just making me feel icky with their negativity instead of being more supportive, if that makes sense. I’m really proud of myself for doing it.

Levi’s been growing so much well need to upgrade to a convertible car seat soon! We actually just purchased one on amazon yesterday so I can’t wait until it arrives. Since he’s grown a lot he is really squished in his car seat and always looks uncomfortable! Poor guy! He’s definitely on the bigger side at his age. It’s funny seeing my friends babies who were born before him and they look so much smaller than him. We call Levi our burly boy, lol. I get so emotional when I think of him growing up. He’s going to be 6 months old soon and my heart can’t take it. I really can’t believe it’s been that long since he’s been on this earth! He’s such a freaking blessing it’s insane. I can’t wait to give him a sibling! I honestly don’t care what I have next. I’d be happy either way 💗

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