As I lay here in bed I have continuous thoughts of self doubt run through my mind. It’s only 9pm. The baby is asleep. Jesse is at his softball game. I really should be washing my face, getting Levi’s stuff ready for his grandmas house tomorrow, and prepping my lunch. Instead I’m filled with anxiousness and worry.
Anyone else feel stuck? In my opinion, success is measured by happiness. You could have graduated college with a PhD and make tons of money, but if you’re not happy are you successful? You could be a stay at home mom (or dad) and barely have any money and be extremely happy every day and to me that would mean you’re extremely successful in life. So if I believe that then why do I compare myself to others who make more than I do or have higher college degrees? I’ll find myself going down the Instagram rabbit hole of comparing my life to others. “Why couldn’t I have kept going in school instead of stopping at an associates degree?” “Why didn’t I major in something I actually liked?” “How come I still don’t know what I want to do in life?”
I almost envy those who went to college and got a degree and are actually doing something with that degree. I fell in love with psychology and sociology. I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Then I thought I wanted to be a radiologist. I didn’t like the classes I was taking so I went back to majoring in psych. By the end of my last semester I was done. Mentally I wasn’t there. I could only handle taking two classes at a time because I couldn’t focus for the life of me. I was barely hanging on. Once I got my degree I was finished. My plans of moving forward for a Bachelors degree was dunzo.
My first job was at a sandwich shop which I’d say was a great first job as a teen/early 20’s. You learn customer service which is good for your people skills but also shitty since people suck and they’re mean and treat you like crap when you’re making their food. After I quit that job to focus on school I ended up getting a job at a pet store. This is where I learned that people REALLY suck. I stayed for a couple of years before I finally had enough. When you’re a cashier people treat you like you’re the scum between their toes. It’s awful! Also, people who own pets and go to the pet store multiple times per week are insane (sorry if you’re one of those people). I’m obsessed with my dog and cat but not enough to go to the pet store to hang out. Anyways, I learned a lot about myself with that job. I finished school while working there. I was always so embarrassed if people I went to high school with saw me working there. I was always mortified. Like, hey successful person I went so high school with! Look at me! Your local pet store cashier! Woo!
Totally not trying to make you feel bad for me by the way, I already felt bad for myself at the time. Now I actually have a job working with animals. I thoroughly enjoy what I do. It can be extremely stressful and exhausting at times but I enjoy it. Do I make a lot of money? Hell no. This is where I start to compare myself. I love what I do but I don’t make hardly enough money. Am I happy? Aren’t I successful in my life with what I do have, even if it’s not a lot compared to others? What about so and so who graduated and lives on her own and has an amazing career and all this extra cash to save? If they’re happy then they, too, are just as successful as me? No? What if while I’m comparing myself to her she’s actually comparing herself to me and wishing she had what I had? Wouldn’t that be wild.
Life’s crazy. We’re really in no sort of competition here. If I saw someone I went to school with working at a pet store or a sandwich shop I wouldn’t judge at all. I’ve been there. For all I know they could love their job and be extremely happy with their life. Money is money no matter what job you have, right?
I know one day I’ll need to move on. I don’t know when that’ll be. Of course I’d like to make more than I do now. Being financially secure is important to me. I probably don’t ever see myself going back to school though unless it’s a school specifically for a certain career. I don’t think I could mentally handle all the extra classes. I’m not sure what happened to me towards the end of that last semester in college.
Do you agree that success is measured by happiness? Or do you believe it’s measured by money or how many shoes/cars/misc things you have?