Venting.

Lately I’ve been quite down. You probably wouldn’t notice if you were around me because I don’t really show it. For someone like me, not having complete control over certain things drives me insane. I’m not controlling…but I am. In my relationship I’d say we’re 50/50, but when it comes to raising a child it can be different each day and that can make things hard at times. When you put two people together who have been raised completely different it’ll probably cause some friction, and that’s OK. You communicate and hopefully come to an agreement.

Not sure where I’m going with this but it’s hard for me to let other people do different things with my son. I have ways of doing things as a new mom and it stresses me out when other people don’t do what I want. This is probably (hopefully) normal for every mom (please tell me I’m not just psycho). Every woman worked hard to grow their child, or if you’ve adopted I’m sure you’ve gone through your own hardships. Regardless of how you’ve received your baby, I’m sure everyone can agree it’s hard work. I’m so possessive over my son because I feel like I worked extra hard for him to be healthy and perfect. Every single day was a struggle mentally for me. I worried constantly about my blood sugars and how they’d be affecting my son. I didn’t have a normal pregnancy. I want him to be perfect and healthy outside because I tried so hard for him to be perfect and healthy on the inside. Am I making any sense?

I also feel like throwing rocks at the women who say they love the “bond” they have with their child while breastfeeding. I’m sorry not every woman’s breasts are the same but your bond crap can go right to the garbage. I worked so hard for my baby and just because I don’t breastfeed doesn’t mean I don’t have a bond. I’m my sons favorite person!

This is short. I’m not really sure why I wanted to write this out but it’s been on my mind lately and I hope I’m not the only one who has these thoughts and feelings. I just feel so misunderstood sometimes for my feelings. I know my feelings are valid but it’s shitty when you feel alone. Or you feel like some psycho controlling freak about your baby. And to be honest I feel like I’m a super relaxed mom. I hardly read books about how to raise a baby, etc. I really just go with the flow but there definitely are boundaries.

Sorry for being random. I’ll end my thoughts here. Hopefully I’m not alone.