Caps lock because HOLY GUACAMOLE you guys. It’s been an entire month since my little love arrived! I love him so much! It’s so weird how even though he takes up all of my time, I wouldn’t change a thing. I mean, I love being able to get out of the house alone and go grocery shopping but when I’m at home I enjoy holding him while he sleeps. I now understand why parents are exhausted. It’s almost impossible to sleep when baby sleeps because it’s the perfect time to be productive around the house! Half of the time I’m not even tired when he’s sleeping, I just get tired once he wakes up haha.

An update on Levi since the last post is his goopy eye has returned! I swear it went away a little before the last post and I was so happy, but today it has returned and has come full force. It’s not pleasant and I feel so bad for him. His sleeping has gone back to normal, sort of. There were a few days last week where he decided he wanted to stay awake ALL DAY LONG. Seriously, it was tough to try to get him to sleep. He’d just lay there awake for hours only taking 30-60 minute naps. He would be fussy if we weren’t entertaining him by holding him. I can only sit on the couch doing absolutely nothing for so long! When he does sleep he still sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time. We have been taking him for walks and car rides so he’s not cooped up 24/7. He enjoys the car rides with country music playing. He is a lover of country music for sure! He cried once I changed the station in the car. When we’re busy around the house we’ll lay him down on the couch and play music next to him to calm him. He has officially grown out of some of his newborn clothes. It makes me so sad! I don’t want him to grow up *enter Kim K’s crying face*. I don’t think his newborn diapers will be fitting him for too much longer. Maybe another week or two? I was looking at older photos of him and it’s so crazy how much he’s already grown since then.

Mama update includes me feeling kinda gross physically. I think it’s finally getting to me about how much my body has changed and clothes not fitting. It sucks being limited on what you can wear because nothing looks good. We go on a lot of walks but overall I know I need to actually eat better and work out. Ugh, I know it’s only been a month but it’s hard for me to be this weight and look the way I do when I’ve always dealt with body insecurities. Anyways, besides the body probs, I’ve been pretty tired. I think the sleep deprivation is catching up to me. It’s not too terrible during the day sometimes but as I’m typing this I’m yawning. Well, it is 11pm (writing this a day before I post). Jesse finally went back to work last Thursday. Thursday wasn’t too bad because my mom actually came over and hung out and watched Levi for me while I went to target (thanks mom!) and I also had my friend come over later on in the day to hang out with me! Friday wasn’t terrible either because I took Levi to my parents house to pick my dog up so that gave us something to do. I’m nervous for Monday (the day you’re reading this) because Jesse will be busy during the day with work and then has two softball games in the evening back to back. I’m going to be alone all day with the baby so I plan on just hanging out at home and going for my first solo walk with him and Wilson (my dog). I’m sure it’ll go fine, the only thing I worry about is Wilson being dog reactive and making it hard to push the stroller but he’s usually not too hard to control so I should be okay.

Diabetes update for anyone who’s curious, I’ve slowly been increasing the amount that I use since giving birth. I don’t experience too many lows since I’ve been eating pretty well aka eating too much haha. I’m trying not to let myself get too high of blood sugars but I probably hit 200 once a day :/ I try not to stress about it too much. I’m really planning on eating healthier and I’ve already been making small changes. Once you go from being really strict and achieving your goal (having a healthy baby) to not having any goals anymore, it’s easy to go kind of crazy…which is what I’m doing. I’m letting myself live a little, or a lot. Two ice cream sandwiches after dinner? Why not, right? Yikes. I didn’t let myself buy any ice cream or chocolate at the store today though so I just have to stay strict with myself!

To wrap this post up, I’d just like to say that everything I went through is completely worth it. The love I have for my son is insane. I’d do absolutely anything for him. I miss him when he’s across the room for too long, I look at him and I’m amazed at how sweet and precious he is. I made him and he turned out perfect despite my health. I would worry so much during my pregnancy. With every low and every high blood sugar I was always so scared I’d somehow mess up something with his development. Honestly I still worry, since he’s only 4 weeks old and I have no idea how he’ll fully develop. But besides that, I’m so proud of myself for all the hard work I put in to have my beautiful baby boy đź’—

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