Sh*t Nobody Tells You.

Okay so this post is definitely meant to be funny, but also 100% real. Before I got pregnant I had no idea what kind of symptoms I’d be dealing with. I also had no idea what I’d be dealing with AFTER giving birth. Obviously every woman is different and not every one experiences these things, but it would have been nice to be a bit more prepared. Google was my bff during these past several months and honestly still is sometimes!

Pregnancy symptoms I did not expect:

1. Menstrual Cramps – Before I knew I was pregnant, I was experiencing really sporadic painful cramps. I was on a birth control pill that never gave me a period. So for the last few years I was lucky enough to not have to deal with one. Once I got off the birth control to start trying for a baby, I expected that the process would take a lot longer than it did and that I’d get a period. I thought these cramps were a sign of me about to start, and nope! They were actually a sign of being pregnant! Funny  because when I was experiencing this cramps at very random times, I googled it (hi, bff) and a lot of forums popped up of women experiencing the same thing at the very early stages of being pregnant. I actually took a pregnancy test but it came back negative but I think it might have been too early to be picked up on the test!
2. Sore Breasts – Along with experiencing the cramps, my breasts were very sore.
3. Bloating – All these symptoms of having a period occurred at the very early stages of being pregnant!
4. Constipation – TMI but so relevant! I’m the type of person to go to the bathroom once a day and to never have to deal with constipation. This was a pain in the ass, literally. Ever have those poops where you feel like it’s glass coming out of your ass? Yeah, I had that practically my whole pregnancy. OUCH. Oh yeah and with the constipation comes bleeding every time you poop. Sorry, not sorry for being graphic.
5. Acne – I broke out like crazy! My chest, back, and face. I know I wrote about this in my blog a lot but it was definitely something that made me very insecure. I never really had to deal with acne beforehand and this hit me like a ton of bricks. The cystic acne on my chin was the worst. Once one went away, which took forever, another one would pop up. I never got a break. I forget how far along I was until that finally went away, but I still got pimples on my face, just not as bad. Luckily the chest acne cleared up, but my poor back was still getting hit hard. I’m actually still really bummed about it because now I have old acne spots all over my back, which used to be clear.
6. Feeling Full – In the beginning I didn’t eat much because I’d become full right away. It wasn’t until the third trimester where I felt like I could handle more food, and boy did I soak that up!
7. Lower Back Pain – I got this in the very beginning, maybe because my job required a lot of movement but this hurt like a biatch! Every step I took would cause a shooting pain from my back down my leg. It actually subsided once I wasn’t working anymore, so maybe someone with a less active job won’t experience much of this? Not sure!
8. Food Aversions – Especially in the beginning everything made me want to vomit. My dogs breath smelled like all he did was eat poop, the smell of my own house made me not want to go home after work, and certain foods were absolutely repulsive. Red bell peppers and ground beef were out the window. Along with cauliflower. Foods I ate multiple times a week! I’m actually still not a fan of cauliflower, which is crazy because I’d buy a head of it weekly to roast! Bell peppers are slowly making a come back but ground beef is actually still gross to me.
9. Cravings – In the beginning I could only eat food that I craved, and I only craved those foods if I saw someone eating it at work or thought about it. I could not eat anything else but that, also because anything else made me nauseous. During the second and third trimester I didn’t really have cravings. No ice cream and pickle combos for me.
10. Leg Cramps – Ugh, these sucked. In the mornings I’d be afraid to stretch out my legs because most of the time if I did that then I’d end up with a serious cramp!
11. Nausea – Definitely a first trimester symptom for me. I was miserable. I’d be at work and would want to vomit the entire time I was there. It was hard to try to act 100% myself around everyone who didn’t know I was pregnant.
12. Emotional – A third trimester symptom for sure. I think because as the due date approached I became a lot more anxious and stressed out. I cried often. I wasn’t one of those women who cried and got upset often over things in my first and second trimester.
13. Swelling – I actually lucked out and didn’t experience face or hand swelling. I only experienced swelling in my ankles and feet during the last few weeks of pregnancy, and it only occurred if I stood for a long time or was out and about. If I stayed at home all day I never really had issues with any swelling.
14. Pelvic Pain – Ah yes, getting up from the couch and walking just to the kitchen could bring on a bit of pain. Walking my dog up a small incline on the street would bring in a little pain, too. It wasn’t too terrible, as I know some women have it worse, but just know that you’ll feel a bit discomfort especially during the last trimester!
15. Being a Rolly Polly – Switching from side to side on the bed because I’m uncomfortable is something I don’t miss at all! I never bought one of those pregnancy pillows so I just used my own pillows to help make things a bit more comfortable at night. Your stomach will feel ginormous towards the end and moving from side to side or getting up from the bed/couch will feel like a challenge!
16. A Bladder the Size of a Pea – Yeah, that’s what it’ll feel like. You’ll feel pressure as if you have to use the restroom SO bad but once you sit down only a few drops will come out! The trickery! Look forward to using the bathroom about 5-6 times in the middle of the night and getting to know all the public restrooms since you’ll probably be using one at every place you go to. Gas stations are obviously the absolute worst, so please go before you leave the house!
17. Pregnancy Brain – Yeah, it is a thing! I already don’t have the best memory but being pregnant made everything worse! I forgot everything.

Postpartum:

1. Back Hurts Like a Mother – So I’m not 100% sure this happens to everyone. Maybe just women who have had an epidural but after giving birth your back might hurt reallllly bad! I remember my back aching so bad in the hospital right after having my son. It also hurt the first several days being home especially every time I had to bend down to change his diaper. I felt like my back was going to break in half. Ouch.
2. No Control Over Urinating – Right after giving birth, the nurse wanted me to use the restroom. I sat down and literally had no control over what I was doing. I actually thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t tell if it was just pee or something else. After asking the nurse if I was okay, she told me it was because of the epidural and having my muscles relaxed that made me not have any control. She also mentioned the importance of going every couple of hours otherwise if I waited too long, I could pee just from standing up from not having control. Never would have thought!
3. Nausea – If you read my labor and delivery post, you’d know that I threw up after having my son. I was actually nauseous the night I got my epidural but thought it was from the gas I was using to help with the pain. During the time of me pushing my son out I had to stop multiple times because I felt the throw up in my throat. Luckily I didn’t throw up during the delivery, but I did after about two bites of my food! Definitely felt sick afterwards.
4. Vaginal Discomfort – Um, tell me why I never even thought about the pain my poor vag was going to feel after having a baby?! I’ve heard of women being afraid of their first bowel movement, but honestly just going pee was a process. It burned and was just plain painful. The hospital gives you a nice squeeze bottle for you to put water in to help ease the pain and clean the area after you urinate but honestly I didn’t think it helped all that much! The pain and discomfort went away about a week after for me, or a little longer. I still don’t feel 100% down there, though.
5. Vaginal Bleeding – I told you this post would be about everything you usually don’t hear about! The hospital gives you this mesh underwear and a potty pad (yes, the ones you use on your puppy to potty train them) and a pad to wear. This all seems ridiculous and you’ll feel like you’re wearing a diaper, but you’ll need it. Once I went home I ditched the potty pad but I did wear their underwear and used their pads! You’ll still bleed a while after going home, too. I’m only two weeks postpartum and I’m still bleeding! Sucks, I know. Hoping it’ll end soon!
6. Emotional – Most days I’m good, but there are days that I get upset really easily.
7. Your Body – Your body will not look the same. Well, I should clarify that your stomach will not look the same. I guess this one is pretty obvious and to be expected. The first couple of days my stomach looked quite sad. After two weeks, I just look chubby in that area. Your stomach is VERY squishy. It’s the weirdest feeling!
8. Cramping – If you’re breast feeding then you’ll feel cramping when your baby is eating. The cramps I had were very strong and painful. Since I’m formula feeding my son, I haven’t experienced any cramps since being in the hospital.
9. Bowel Movements – Thought you’d get to go to the bathroom normally again after dealing with pregnancy constipation? You thought wrong. My hospital sent me home with stool softener, which I was stupid enough to not take regularly. I have learned my lesson.

These may all be things you’ve read about already or maybe they’re all new to you! I didn’t do much research until I was actually experiencing these things. Most of the postpartum issues I dealt with were all things nobody told me about so I just had to go with the flow and use my bff to help me along the way 😛 If you’re planning on being pregnant or are at the beginning stages of pregnancy, I hope this helps you so you don’t feel like a weirdo being the only one experiencing it because you aren’t! I don’t think I missed anything but I’m sure I’ll think of something after I post this.