Late night rambles.

I hate when I’m alone at night because I tend to overthink things. Jesses playing video games (what’s new) so I’m just upstairs thinking about labor and our future with little one. I get sad when I think about how much diabetes just sucks. Before I became a diabetic I wanted such a more natural experience when it came to having a baby. I know you can’t always plan how you’re going to have your baby but I wanted to be at a birthing center and maybe even have my baby in a pool and just do things my way. But now I’m stuck with being induced before my due date, having a 40-60% chance of having a c-section, and not having much control over my body in terms of blood sugars. I don’t want to have an epidural because it freaks me out but since Pitocin makes contractions a lot more painful (from what I’ve read), I’m sure I’ll end up getting one. I follow a Facebook group of women with type one diabetes who are trying to get pregnant/are pregnant/have had kids and I know a lot of them have had successful births with no issues when induced or have had a c-section, so I know I shouldn’t be such a downer on the subject but I can’t help it. I guess I’m just jealous of the women who actually get the chance to do everything a more natural way. Maybe this is a silly thing to be sad about…

Random, but at Walmart today this woman asked me what I was having and when I was due and she was so positive and gave great advice. I’ve never had anyone talk to me about my pregnancy while out and about so this was a first. I just loved that she didn’t have anything negative to say. Then the cashier started talking to us and was also super sweet. I guess I’m just mentioning this because I really appreciated them today even if they didn’t realize it. I know in my last post I mentioned I was in a better head space and was feeling a lot more happy but today was an off day for me. I think it’s because I’m stressed out and anxious about everything. I don’t feel like being around anyone or talking to anyone. In short, I’m extremely grumpy and easily agitated today. Tomorrow I’m spending Easter with some family and I’m hoping I’ll be in a better mood because nothings worse than forcing yourself to have a good time when all you want to do is be at home and isolate yourself from everyone.

Anyways, time is running out and this boy will be out soon and I’m totally freaked out by it because I’m afraid I won’t know how to be a mom (if that makes sense) but I’m also so excited for my new best friend to arrive. These emotions are insane.

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