6 Months + 3 Weeks Postpartum.

Oh My Goodness! My arms are completely dead after todays workout. They’re like noodles and I’m curious on how I’ll be able to pick Levi up throughout the day, haha. Well I had a good weekend! How was yours? I worked on Saturday which wasn’t bad but I couldn’t wait to go home of course. The air quality is so poor due to the fires here in California. Which, by the way, I feel like all the attention is going to the fire in southern California but the one in northern California is way worse!  Just a little FYI for those who don’t know!

I had ordered a pair of shoes for Levi and this kid has bigger feet than I thought. I mean, he’s only a size 3 but literally every place I look doesn’t have shoes in his size. Must be popular or something. I had to go to Nordstrom to find shoes for him. We bought him a pair of converse and vans and they make my heart melt, they’re so cute! Poor Levi, he’s been having some sort of rash on his cheeks lately and I have a suspicion it’s probably eczema or something so I’m just applying some balm/lotion on his cheeks to help. I’m not a perfume wearing girl so I just have to let his grandma’s know to lay off the perfume or smelly lotions when they watch him! What is it with grandma’s and their perfumes? Hi, mom! Haha 🙂

Other than my poor baby and his cheeks, he’s been a pretty happy boy as of late. I mean, he’s always pretty happy unless he’s tired but that’s normal baby behavior. Before I forget to mention this monumental thing, HE SLEPT FOR 8 HOURS STRAIGHT LAST NIGHT! It’ll probably be a one time thing with my luck but holy smokes, I feel like a brand new human being. It was my night last night and lets be real, us mama’s are the ones who get the least amount of sleep. Even when it’s Jesse’s “night” I still wake up early for work or the gym and he gets to sleep in a guaranteed two days a week when I take Levi to my family’s house in the morning on my way to work. So anyways, I woke up around 3AM freaking out thinking he was in the bed somehow buried under the pillows until I saw him on the monitor and I kind of just stared at it until I heard him make a sigh and then move, so I figured he was going to wake up. He didn’t! I woke up again around 5AM thinking, “holy shit is he alive?,” so I went to check on him and yes, he was alive and sleeping. He eventually woke up around 6 and was chatting in his crib so I continued to stay in bed until he started crying. Jesse woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up just getting Levi and bringing him downstairs so I could stay in bed even longer (what a saint). Needless to say, I’m in an extremely good mood today. This must be how other moms feel who have babies who sleep throughout the night. I really hope this isn’t a one time thing!

He was such a good boy yesterday when we went out and about to some stores. I love bringing him places with me now, I feel a lot more confident now that he can sit up. It just makes things easier if I have to put him in a cart. I’ve been in a weird mood to go shopping. I hate it because I have no money for shopping but I recently went through all of my sweatshirts and tossed out all of the really old ones, which was 90% of them. I think I deserve new sweaters and jackets! Plus, most of them didn’t fit me anymore anyways because they were so old. I also hate 90% of my shirts so I wish I could throw them all out and buy new ones but that’s not going to happen anytime soon! Side note, when I say “throw out” I mean donate of course!

I wasn’t going to mention this but the past several days have been super rough for me. I’m not sure why I’ve been so down and hard on myself but it happens. I’m still recovering from the hard week I had but I’m hopeful this week will be better. I haven’t had anything nice to say to myself, about myself. When I get this way I’m also an asshole to the ones around me, too. After having an argument with Jesse one night last week I woke up feeling terrible about everything. It’s not the best feeling in the world and I’m sure someone out there can relate. I think it’s a good thing that I can acknowledge where I was wrong and apologize. Some people struggle with that, I think. Anyways, I just wanted to mention it so that maybe if anyone else is going through a tough week or day that they can be hopeful that it’s almost over and to always acknowledge how you’re treating your loved ones because it’s never fair for others to suffer because you’re suffering. It’s hard to realize that sometimes but it’s necessary, in my opinion.

The baby is waking up from his nap so I shall go now but I’m sending all my love to anyone who’s suffering right now, especially to all the fire victims from northern and southern California.

6 Months + 2 Weeks Postpartum.

Today has been a GREAT day and it’s not even over with yet! Not every day goes really well. I mean, it has potential to somehow get ruined but lets hope it stays awesome *knocks on wood*.

I started my day out with my workout which was easy and much appreciated since I had a really bad sore neck the past week and today it’s finally 90% better. Once home I hung out with Levi (duh) and he took a two hour nap! I was able to watch a movie, Kindergarten Teacher on Netflix, and clean the house up a bit. Once he woke up we went to Ulta and Old Navy since I had to pick up a few things. It was my second outing with him by myself! Don’t judge me, either. Most of the time when we go do errands Jesse’s just always around and wants to tag along so we always do everything together, which I love by the way. Once we got home I played with Levi some more, gave him a bath, went through some of his old clothes, and now he’s down for his second nap of the day! I’m feeling really good mentally and I love it.

Last night I was so sad, almost to tears sad, that I had to essentially go back to our scheduled routine this week. I just wanted to be with my family some more before getting back to the work week. Sunday was so nice and I enjoyed our day together a lot. We went on a morning hike/walk with my really close friend and her boyfriend and dog. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m pretty much a home body or I just really prefer to be with my family on my day off because I feel like I never have enough time with them so hanging out with my friend for a little while was really nice. I actually want to do a little girls trip with a few other friends of mine and we’ve talked about it and are all down to do it! I think it would be so fun and much needed for all of us.

So anyways, while Levi is napping right now I have to just say that I’m freaking obsessed with him and how good of a baby he is. He’s just always happy! I mean, he has his fussy moments but they’re never a big deal really. We’ve been doing pretty good with the purees lately but I did buy some jarred baby food just to add flavors that I don’t have at home. I’m so curious on when to try peanut butter so if anyone has any advice let me know! This whole feeding thing is still confusing to me at times. I’m just going back and forth between Pinterest and my baby food book that I have. He’s sitting up so good now with hardly any assistance. He still loves going on walks and watching cars drive by, which is the cutest thing in the world. His hair still growing but still hasn’t flattened out completely so it just looks like fuzz still, haha. We’ve been doing a lot more tummy time to get him to want to crawl! Have I mentioned that I’m terrified of him becoming mobile?? Like, what am I going to do! My boy is growing up so much and my heart can’t take it!

Last week was a tiring, painful (due to my neck/upper back), but also really good week. I know I’m making progress with the weight loss as some jeans I wear often that I bought when I needed to buy bigger jeans are starting to become a bit looser on me. Things are happening, people! I already see a difference in my stomach. For a while I felt like I still looked 6 months preggo and it’s finally going down. I’ve been eating a cleaner diet and I think it’s working. I still have my bad days of course but I try not to beat myself up about it because there’s no point in doing that.

I’m starting to get really excited about my east coast trip that’s coming up in January! You might be thinking we’re crazy to visit the east coast during January, because I thought we were crazy, too. It’s going to be really fun and it’s going to be SO hard to leave Levi for several days so I’m hoping I don’t cry too much but I’m looking forward to spend time with Jesse. Something I love about us is that we travel. It might not be as often or as far as other couples but traveling is something we love to do together. We love experiencing new places together and new food! It’s always about the food for me, haha.

OH YEAH! Here’s some baby halloween pictures. He was sooooo cute! The costume didn’t fit so well because he’s a chunk but we got the cutest pictures of him! Enjoy 🙂

6 Months + 1 Week Postpartum

I’m so tired of saying 20+ weeks as my titles because I always forget how many weeks postpartum I am so I’m making it easier on myself, and you guys. Last week was pretty brutal for me. I was mentally drained and on my last day of work (Saturday) I was completely dead. I didn’t even want to show up to be honest. I woke up in the middle of the night so nauseous and I ran to the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up but couldn’t. I was up for about 30 minutes and nothing could come out. It was the worst feeling ever. High blood sugar could be the culprit as I was at 200. Usually I don’t get nauseous at 200 but maybe that’s what it was (no, not preggo). I was also nauseous on Sunday, too. I’ve been fine all day today though so that’s a plus! Saturday night we did nothing after I got off work, which was nice. Sunday was a good day for the fam. We woke up really early (because of the baby) and walked to this bagel shop close to my house and ate breakfast there. We then went to a Colombia employee store where the clothes are at a discounted price (they were nice enough to give my work a chance to visit the store) and I bought a couple of things there. After that it was a lot of regular Sunday chores. Clean the house up and grocery shop! Sundays are my ONLY days I have “off”. No work, no gym, and Jesse to help me with Levi so I can get other things done around the house. The rest of the week is go, go, go.

Levi’s been super cute lately. I swear he learned to shake his head “no” when he doesn’t want something. I have no idea who taught him that or if it’s just a coincidence. I pureed some broccoli and he doesn’t seem to like it very much and will shake his head back and forth when I try to feed it to him. It’s hilarious! For a few nights he was only waking up once and it was amazing but for some reason the past two nights he’s been waking up every 2-3 hours and it was killling me. It’s awful. I’m not sure why he’s doing this. I don’t know how people sleep train their babies. I’ve tried and have given up on that dream. He still sleeps with us in our bed, too. Well, he starts out in his crib and eventually we bring him in around 3/4AM because we’re just so exhausted and don’t feel like fighting with his tiredness and once he’s in our bed he passes out so, whatever. He’s been starting to sit up with not much assistance and his 9 month clothing is already starting to get snug! At his doctor appointment last Thursday he weighed a whopping 22 pounds and he’s 27 1/2 inches tall! The doctor said he’s measuring as a 10 month old. Holy crap, right? He’s a big ass baby! I guess this what the outcome is when your partner is 6’2″ and like, 260 pounds.

An update on how my workouts have been going…they’re definitely making me feel stronger! I’m not losing weight as fast as I thought I would but I’m out of the 160’s now so thats something, right? I’ve come to terms with the fact that this might be a slower than anticipated process. It’s rough sometimes! I love food. Doesn’t everyone? I’m not the kind of person to meal prep because I can’t eat the same meal for two or three days. I love to cook, I love to try new recipes. I cook different meals each week! I have my favorites and I’ll use them regularly but a lot of the times I cook random meals and I eat the leftovers the next day for lunch but I don’t usually eat them longer than a day after. Personally I think it’s gross. So yeah, I could never meal prep bland chicken with a baked sweet potato and vegetables. Not me. Nope. I still get my chocolate fix in. I know cutting sweets out completely would really set me up for success but as much as I want to lose weight and look good, I also want to live my life! 72% dark chocolate is my ISH and I love it. One little square of it after lunch or dinner satisfies my sweet tooth completely and I won’t give that up.

Anyways, last week was pretty tough for me and I think this week might be too with the things going on. I’m preparing myself to be completely exhausted by the end of it. It’s going to be Levi’s first Halloween and even though we’re not trick-or-treating, I’m still looking forward to it. I can’t wait to share what our matching costumes are! It’s really funny and I’m sure he’ll love it when he’s older, haha.

6 Months Postpartum.

Check out these two cuties from my work over the weekend. They got adopted because of this picture I took 🙂

Levi is going to be 6 months tomorrow! I get super emotional when I think/talk about it. I just cannot believe it’s been six months since bringing him into this world! He’s grown so much and he brings such joy to everyone in our family. He’s starting to sit up already on his own and he’s doing so well! We’ve been dealing with a rash lately that we think is caused from his drool going onto his shirt and then his shirt rubbing his chest? We’ll see what the doctor thinks on Thursday at his appointment. Lately I’ve been really wishing I could stay at home with him more because I miss him a lot when I’m away from him.

Today I had to have a procedure done and I’m still not feeling 100% so I’m currently in bed while Levi takes a nap. I’d try to sleep, too, but with my luck he’ll wake up soon. I was lucky yesterday and got in a nap and Jesse watched Levi and took him for a walk while I slept. Dad goals. Which by the way, how did I get so lucky to have a partner who loves his son so much?! I mean, you’d think that that’s normal but I get emails from a group I joined through an app on my phone and some of these dads are awful! Totally not saying all dads are awful by the way…just saying it shocked me how long it takes for some men to connect with their babies. I guess it makes a little sense since they didn’t actually carry the child for 40 weeks.

I’ve been thinking lately how bad I want to move. I wish we could just pack up our stuff and leave to a different state. Washington to be exact. I crave the green scenery that California lacks. I want nice, crisp, fresh air and cooler weather. It also is way cheaper out there so a house in California is 10x smaller than a house in Washington for the same price. When we bought the house we live in now it was a tough decision. We could have bought a house for the same price a few cities over that would have been bigger with a yard and a garage but the commute to work and home would have been awful that we decided to buy a townhouse in a city that went against traffic. I always feel bad when I see everyone sitting in traffic to and from work in the mornings/afternoons. Totally not worth it to me. So one day I’d love to move. Hopefully within the next few years. It sucks since family lives here but I crave something new and different.

This post is short. I don’t have much to update you guys on. Maybe I’ll go into more detail about my procedure in a different post but for now it’s just too personal for me to talk about. It’s a little TMI. Levi’s doing great. He’s super silly and I love him so much I want to squeeze him just thinking about him. Jesse and I are doing well. Wilson and Moka are doing fine, too. No gym for me today since I had that appointment so I’ll be going Thursday and Friday. I’m making stew for dinner tonight which sounds so comforting and I already can’t wait. I bought frozen green beans at the store to turn into baby food for Levi so I’m excited for him to try that later this week. I’m exhausted so I’m going to try to rest some more 🙂 talk to you next week!

25 Weeks Postpartum.

So I’m going start this post off with a little baby daddy appreciation! He completely surprised me Thursday night by doing a feeding for me (It was my night) and also offering to take Levi to my parents house Friday for me (it’s on my way to work which is why I do it, and really out of his way) so I could get an extra 20 minutes of sleep! You might not think an extra 20 minutes does anything but it does! He said he did it because he knows how little sleep I get compared to him and how tiring my job is for me and what not. It was completely out of the blue and much appreciated. It’s the little things like that that make me so glad to have him. He does a lot more for me, too, but this surprised me in the best way. He had two late softball games last week and an event that was super late as well so I was on my own a lot.

My schedule is pretty intense (for me). Monday’s and Thursday’s I go to the gym in the mornings for my workouts and then the rest of the day is spent with Levi by myself and Jesse has his softball games those days so depending on the times, I have to be on my own most of the day which is tiring. The remaining days of the week I work (T,W,F,S) and and once I’m off I pick Levi up from wherever he is and get home, shower off any work residue, cook, clean, take care of baby, then sleep. Sunday’s are usually family days for us because it’s the only day we can do things together. We usually do errands together like grocery shopping and also clean the house. I don’t really like making plans on Sunday’s because they’re special to me. I wish I didn’t have to work Saturdays but I do unfortunately. I honestly have no idea how moms work out during the week if they’re working 40 hours. Like, how do you have time for that plus making dinner and taking care of your kids? I feel guilty being away from Levi especially if I haven’t seen him all day while I’ve been at work. I couldn’t imagine only seeing him for an hour or so. I’d rather have a mom bod than miss out on seeing my kid!

Speaking of mom bod. I had my assessment last week and it’s SO embarrassing that after all the work I’ve put in, especially with food, I only lost 1 pound. 1. One. ONE. I know I had days where I wasn’t perfect and messed up but I thought I would have done better than that. It was a wake up call. Honestly I HATE counting calories. It sucks and I think it’s stupid. I’d rather count carbs since it worked for me in the past. I mentioned it to my trainer and she said for me to try it out this month and see if it makes a difference so that’s what I’m going to do. I know you have to be in a deficit to lose weight but I see myself getting upset and frustrated with myself not being under my calorie goal and it is so hard for me. Sometimes I’m starving still and I want more food and I end up making bad choices. Counting carbs is easier for me and although stressful, it doesn’t make me feel bad about myself nearly as much as counting calories. So I’m hoping a change will happen with my body this month! I mean, I lost body fat which is good, and had some other improvements but I still hate how I look. Maybe I’m too hard myself but I just hate feeling uncomfortable all of the time. It sucks.

Another topic I wanted to address was my diabetes. It’s improved while doing this life change but since I’ve had a few bad days with food, it’s also been a bit bad. I’ve woken up three times in the past week with really high blood sugar since it goes up while I sleep. I don’t wear my dexcom anymore (I think I touched on this before) and maybe I should start. I just love the freedom of not having to have something attached to me. I also can’t really afford it right now. I’m torn over it. I know it would help me stay on track a lot more. Sometimes I don’t care about my blood sugar numbers and then I remind myself that one day, if they’re always running high, I’ll be in big trouble. Continuous High blood sugar can cause damage to your nerves, blood vessels, and organs. It can cause damage to your eyes and kidneys. If your blood sugar is too high or too low you could go into a diabetic coma which can lead to brain damage or death. Diabetes is serious shit, people! It’s insane and scary at times. I experienced a low blood sugar while Jesse was at his event last week and I freaked out and started to stuff my mouth with anything I thought would bring up my blood sugar. I ate and then checked it again and it was even lower so I ended up eating more food. Goodbye calorie deficit! I ended up being fine and my blood sugar went sky high afterwards. I probably shouldn’t have over ate like I did but I panicked. I fear going really low and not being able to take care of Levi. What if I passed out and he woke up and needed me or was hungry or got hurt? It scares the crap out of me! I have a feeling my weight loss journey will be a slow one but I’ve accepted that…

So for a couple days I’ve been quite down and couldn’t really figure out why until I got my period Saturday. It makes sense why I was crying a lot Sunday. I also visited my nana and papa at the cemetery so that was also a tear jerker and got me super emotional. Man, I miss that woman. No lie, I still think about her daily. I wish she were still here. Anyways, I’m feeling better now. I’m still in a weird antisocial mood, though. I get like this a lot. I just don’t care to talk to or see anyone. I’m too wrapped up in my own thoughts and figuring things out in my life that the thought of being around other people really overwhelms me. Not sure what my problem is but my mind hasn’t been clear lately so it’s hard for me to do things for others. I feel bad disappointing people but I just mentally can’t do things. Do I make sense? Who knows if others have ever felt the way I do so I hope I’m not speaking gibberish. Oh well.

Well, to make this end on a happier note, I am excited to dress Levi up for Halloween. We really have no plans so I may have wasted my money on this costume but I think it’ll be super cute. He seriously brightens my days up. He’s so freakin cute. He does this really silly thing with his mouth while he eats. Unfortunately I think I taught him that because I was messing around with him while he was eating and then he started mimicking me. I made peas last week and he’s been loving them all week! I think it’s his favorite. I made butternut squash yesterday so I’m excited for him to try it today. I had someone tell me they had no time to make their own baby food and it seemed super negative the way they said it towards me (they said something else too) and I remember it putting me in a bad mood making me think I wasn’t going to be able to do it but I’ve been doing it successfully! It’s literally the easiest thing in the world. You steam/boil whatever fruit or veggie you want to make, then you blend it in a blender or food processor and voila! Baby purée! Steaming/boiling only takes 10-15 minutes or less, depending on the food. I then put in a silicone ice cube tray which makes it easy to pop out the cubes when frozen. Once frozen I pop out all the cubes and keep them in a giant ziploc bag that’s labeled with what kind of purée it is and how long it’s good for. When ready to use I take two cubes and heat in a bowl for about 30 seconds or less until melted and I wait for it to cool down before feeding of course. I put the baby purée recipe book on my shower registry and my friend got it for me (thanks, Tara!) and I’m so glad I have it! I also look purées up on Pinterest so I recommend that too if you don’t have a book. If you notice on the pre made purées it’ll say they expire NEXT YEAR! Gross. It’ll also have added ingredients like Citric Acid (probably to preserve) and maybe other stuff. I’ve fed him pre made purées because my in laws got it for us and I also bought some at Sprouts when I didn’t have mine that I made (I found purées with only one ingredient – the food that it said it was). I prefer not to feed him that stuff but i also don’t want to waste it, either. I’m not trying to be some stuck up foodie over here so please don’t take it that way. I just didn’t realize that baby food had stuff in it that didn’t need to be in it. I completely understand that some people really don’t have time to do this kind of stuff or they simply just aren’t interested in doing it. It was just in my certain situation where I had someone making me feel like they were doubting me or just making me feel icky with their negativity instead of being more supportive, if that makes sense. I’m really proud of myself for doing it.

Levi’s been growing so much well need to upgrade to a convertible car seat soon! We actually just purchased one on amazon yesterday so I can’t wait until it arrives. Since he’s grown a lot he is really squished in his car seat and always looks uncomfortable! Poor guy! He’s definitely on the bigger side at his age. It’s funny seeing my friends babies who were born before him and they look so much smaller than him. We call Levi our burly boy, lol. I get so emotional when I think of him growing up. He’s going to be 6 months old soon and my heart can’t take it. I really can’t believe it’s been that long since he’s been on this earth! He’s such a freaking blessing it’s insane. I can’t wait to give him a sibling! I honestly don’t care what I have next. I’d be happy either way 💗

24 Weeks Postpartum.

My trainer completely kicked my butt today during my workout! Whew. It’s been a couple of hours later and I’m still feeling tired from it. I didn’t tell her that I was super close to wanting to barf, lol. I had a burrito last night for dinner and woke up feeling like total garbage. Probably didn’t help that my blood sugar was 255! When it comes to rice,beans, and cheese it’s a slow incline in my blood sugar so it was fine when I checked it before bed but clearly rose in the middle of the night. I don’t wear my Dexcom anymore so I don’t know my middle of the night numbers. Anyways, thinking of last nights dinner still makes me want to barf. Gross! Definitely wasn’t worth it!

I had a pretty tough night with Levi last night. He didn’t sleep for long periods of times so I was up several times. Weird, because the night before he slept for 7 hours and then 5 hours! That’s the first 7 hour stretch of sleep he had ever done so I was really hoping it was going to happen again last night. Oh well. We finally took apart the baby swing! It’s so nice to have more space in my house. I purchased a pac n play mattress so that he could take his naps in the pac n play downstairs. It’s working out really well so far, he’s napping it in right now and yesterday he took a two hour nap in it. In other exciting news, we’ve been trying a lot of foods! So far we’ve tried applesauce, sweet potato (his fave), avocado, and banana. He’s not the biggest fan of baby rice cereal so honestly I don’t use that because it doesn’t have any nutritional value anyways. I finally got my silicone ice cube trays so I made my own sweet potato purée for him! It’s super easy to do and only took me 15 minutes or so. Next I want to make some pea purée and I probably should be doing that right now but I’m SO exhausted today so I’m soaking up this time to chill and relax and be a potato.

So I was thinking of something yesterday and it made me super sad. When I had Levi, I never took a photo with me and Jesse right after. When people have babies that’s like the first photo they post and we never even did that. Honestly it’s not a big deal I guess but it brought back memories of how I was after giving birth. I remember I was exhausted and felt super sick. I feel kind of guilty for not feeling over the moon and happy and excited about just having a baby. Can anyone else relate? I hope so. I couldn’t help but cry a little and luckily Jesse told me that I’m fine and it’s okay. Just having a little positivity during my sadness made me feel better about feeling like shit. It’s just a photo. I also remember feeling gross and ugly and just wanting to shower and get the heck out of the hospital. I don’t know why I started thinking about that and feeling down over it. He’s literally the light of my life and the cutest little chunk! Can’t imagine my life without him!

Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy.

As I lay here in bed I have continuous thoughts of self doubt run through my mind. It’s only 9pm. The baby is asleep. Jesse is at his softball game. I really should be washing my face, getting Levi’s stuff ready for his grandmas house tomorrow, and prepping my lunch. Instead I’m filled with anxiousness and worry.

Anyone else feel stuck? In my opinion, success is measured by happiness. You could have graduated college with a PhD and make tons of money, but if you’re not happy are you successful? You could be a stay at home mom (or dad) and barely have any money and be extremely happy every day and to me that would mean you’re extremely successful in life. So if I believe that then why do I compare myself to others who make more than I do or have higher college degrees? I’ll find myself going down the Instagram rabbit hole of comparing my life to others. “Why couldn’t I have kept going in school instead of stopping at an associates degree?” “Why didn’t I major in something I actually liked?” “How come I still don’t know what I want to do in life?”

I almost envy those who went to college and got a degree and are actually doing something with that degree. I fell in love with psychology and sociology. I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist. Then I thought I wanted to be a radiologist. I didn’t like the classes I was taking so I went back to majoring in psych. By the end of my last semester I was done. Mentally I wasn’t there. I could only handle taking two classes at a time because I couldn’t focus for the life of me. I was barely hanging on. Once I got my degree I was finished. My plans of moving forward for a Bachelors degree was dunzo.

My first job was at a sandwich shop which I’d say was a great first job as a teen/early 20’s. You learn customer service which is good for your people skills but also shitty since people suck and they’re mean and treat you like crap when you’re making their food. After I quit that job to focus on school I ended up getting a job at a pet store. This is where I learned that people REALLY suck. I stayed for a couple of years before I finally had enough. When you’re a cashier people treat you like you’re the scum between their toes. It’s awful! Also, people who own pets and go to the pet store multiple times per week are insane (sorry if you’re one of those people). I’m obsessed with my dog and cat but not enough to go to the pet store to hang out. Anyways, I learned a lot about myself with that job. I finished school while working there. I was always so embarrassed if people I went to high school with saw me working there. I was always mortified. Like, hey successful person I went so high school with! Look at me! Your local pet store cashier! Woo!

Totally not trying to make you feel bad for me by the way, I already felt bad for myself at the time. Now I actually have a job working with animals. I thoroughly enjoy what I do. It can be extremely stressful and exhausting at times but I enjoy it. Do I make a lot of money? Hell no. This is where I start to compare myself. I love what I do but I don’t make hardly enough money. Am I happy? Aren’t I successful in my life with what I do have, even if it’s not a lot compared to others? What about so and so who graduated and lives on her own and has an amazing career and all this extra cash to save? If they’re happy then they, too, are just as successful as me? No? What if while I’m comparing myself to her she’s actually comparing herself to me and wishing she had what I had? Wouldn’t that be wild.

Life’s crazy. We’re really in no sort of competition here. If I saw someone I went to school with working at a pet store or a sandwich shop I wouldn’t judge at all. I’ve been there. For all I know they could love their job and be extremely happy with their life. Money is money no matter what job you have, right?

I know one day I’ll need to move on. I don’t know when that’ll be. Of course I’d like to make more than I do now. Being financially secure is important to me. I probably don’t ever see myself going back to school though unless it’s a school specifically for a certain career. I don’t think I could mentally handle all the extra classes. I’m not sure what happened to me towards the end of that last semester in college.

Do you agree that success is measured by happiness? Or do you believe it’s measured by money or how many shoes/cars/misc things you have?

23 Weeks Postpartum.

So I made an amazing Tri tip salad last night and took an awesome photo with my phone. It’s now gone. So, for my blog I then decided I’d use a photo I had taken at the NorCal Night Market of me and my ice cream. I forgot to save it from my insta story. I GOT NOTHIN FOR YA! Lol, but seriously, I’m a bit annoyed with myself. Instead I’ll share a photo of the really yummy pork tamale I had! I had an awesome time with my friends, Jesse, and Levi at the night market on Saturday. We went after I got off of work so I made sure I was hungry. I had elote in a cup (sad I didn’t get the hot Cheeto kind), pork tamale, and matcha ice cream! At the end we got spam fried rice but I didn’t end up finishing that because I was completely stuffed. I know I’m on a healthy lifestyle kick but you gotta live every once in a while am I right? I wish I could have gone again on Sunday but there’s always next time! It was seriously a foodies paradise!

So after eating all of that food I wanted to make a light dinner on Sunday. We had some tri tip that I cooked with just salt, pepper, and a bit of onion powder. I cooked it in some butter and once it was done I put it on some spring mix with cucumber, avocado, tomatoes, some feta cheese, and some roasted sweet potato! SO GOOD! Definitely recommend. It’s light but also filling because of the sweet potato. 10/10.

My blood sugars have been doing amazing lately because of my change in diet. I weighed myself today and I’ve lost 2 pounds since starting my workouts and eating better! It might seem like a small number but it’s only been a couple weeks and I still let myself indulge when needed. I guess it’s somewhat of intuitive eating? I try to eat mostly Whole Foods.

I know there was something I wanted to talk about but I can’t remember. Typical Liz brain. Well I finally got a new phone yesterday! Went with the iPhone X and I’m really happy with it so far! At first my stuff didn’t transfer over with the iCloud but I went to the ATT store today and got it fixed. I love the camera quality, it’s so nice! Oh yea and with feeding Levi solids, I feel like he’s not into purées. I will keep trying but I’m not sure how it’s going to work out and I’m mostly looking forward to baby LED weaning. I think that’ll be more fun and easier anyways. I’m also super paranoid about having other people feed him also. Like, will they be with him and watch him and make sure he doesn’t choke? Crazy FTM here! Can anyone relate?

22 Weeks Postpartum.

My workouts have been going amazing! I absolutely love them and look forward to them. Highly highly highly recommend if you’re able to do so! I feel so much happier and healthy already. I’ve been eating really well also. I’ve totally had a couple days where I’d indulge but if I don’t do that then I know I’ll give up or binge altogether. That’s just me, though. Some people might be able to stay strict but ya girl needs ice cream every once in a while to stay sane! I know it’s only been a little over a week but I already see a difference in my mood. My thoughts are more happy about life and I’m genuinely excited about things.

Did I mention I bought Levi’s Halloween costume? Well, I did a few weeks ago and while I was at Target I found a MATCHING costume! I’m so stoked for Halloween now and I don’t even have plans! So maybe I just wasted $25 on a matching costume but it’s all about the photos and memories, right? Right! Levi’s been doing pretty good lately with a few fussy days here and there. I’m going to assume it’s all teething related (which I think I mentioned last week). He’s finally five months old! Im going to start him on solids soon! Maybe tonight or tomorrow, I want jesse to be present when it’s happening and he’s going to be gone tonight. So yeah, most likely tomorrow. He’s getting so big I’m afraid I’ll need to pull out the 9 month clothing soon! I can’t believe it. I think he’ll be tall like his daddy 🙂 He’s been rolling really well now from back to front/front to back. When I put him down to sleep I’ll place him on his side and he eventually wakes up on his tummy. He does well in the crib but we still only get 3 hour stretches in between feedings. I have NO idea how to cut back on the feedings to be honest because he wakes up crying so I’m not sure how else to help him go back to sleep? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I read that by now he should be sleeping 6 hour stretches. That’s definitely not happening at our house! I wish, though! That would be amazing.

We had a great weekend! After work on Saturday I came home and Jesse had dropped Levi and Wilson off at my parents so we could have a date night. We went to this brewery in Dublin and had the BEST food. I ordered a chocolate molten lava cake and it was amazing. I still think about it. It was so nice to spend time with one another. I think it’s so important to have alone time and we definitely don’t do it enough. Yesterday we went over to my parents house for dinner and the dinner was also amazing! I loved being with everyone, we don’t do it that often these days.

So after he turns 6 months I’m not sure if I’ll still do weekly blog posts. I enjoy writing but sometimes I feel like not enough has gone on throughout the week for me to write about! Maybe I’ll post recipes or just write about certain topics. Sitting down and typing really relaxes me and although I’m not sure many people read my blog, I feel like I’m talking to friends. That might sound weird, I don’t know. If you know me well at all you’d know I enjoy being alone. Like, maybe too much. If I hang out with someone I’m good for a few months before seeing them again. It’s just draining to me sometimes, even though I have a lot of fun! I’m glad I have friends who (hopefully) understand that about me. I don’t think I could be friends with someone who wanted to hang out all the time. I just mentally can’t handle it. The only person I can be around 24/7 is Jesse and even then we do our own thing at home. I just love his company 💗 Anyways, I might post again this week if I have something else to talk about!

21 Weeks Postpartum.

I had my first workout this morning and I FEEL AMAZING. Like, wow. My body is already quite sore and I absolutely love it. It’s so addicting that when I was finished I actually didn’t want to be done. I wanted to keep going. I actually ate so bad all weekend and I was mad at myself for it. I overate, a lot. A good friend told me to continue to do good even after I failed once in the day and I’ve always had the mindset of, “oh I messed up, might as well keep messing up and I’ll do better tomorrow” but why do we wait until tomorrow? She completely changed how I thought. I am so excited to do good today and to start to feel good. I feel like I’m on a workout high right now. We started my workout doing a few minutes on the elliptical and stretching beforehand. Then we did some core, arm, and booty exercises. My legs are like jello right now. Jesse said he’s really proud of me and it felt good to hear that. I’m just so thankful to have him and family who support me. I could go to a therapist but I know that’s not what I need. I feel as if I do better when I help myself because I like to think I’m pretty self aware and I know my strengths and weaknesses and I personally just feel like going to someone wouldn’t help me. I could be wrong, though. I just think this little jumpstart on a healthier lifestyle is what I currently need to help me with what I’m going through.

Anyways, lets talk baby. He is rolling like a mad man! Primarily from his back to his stomach. He can roll from his stomach to his back but it’s a bit harder for him so sometimes he starts to cry when he’s on his stomach because he gets stuck there, haha. He’s at such a fun age and I’m living for it. I love how he stares at his toes and talks and laughs and just everything he does is amazing! I missed him so much last night while he was sleeping it was crazy. He’s sleeping the whole night in his crib! He’s also sleeping for longer stretches at a time. He’s currently been going to bed around 8:30 and will wake around 12-1. He’ll then sleep until 3-5 (depending) and then wake up again at 7-7:30. It’s great! The other night when I had to wake up for feedings I only had to wake up once which was awesome since I had to wake up at 5 for work anyways.

He’s also been getting more hair! I love it. He’s changing so much so fast and I just want to cry about it! I don’t want him to grow up! I’m also not sure if I want to start solids at 5 months. I miiiight delay until 6 months but we’ll see. He’s been sleeping so well in his crib at night that I really want to put him in there for naps during the day so we can get rid of the swing but I think that’ll be a slow process. He hasn’t been taking long naps these days which sucks. I know sleep is really important for him so i’m not sure why he isn’t sleeping much. He’s also had some rosy cheeks and I looked it up and I guess it’s a sign of teething! So I’m wondering when little teethers will be popping through. Oh man thats going to be adorable.

Well todays off to a great start and I’m excited for this week ahead! I’m already looking forward to Thursdays workout 🙂